oh dear, Alfred is ill

alfred got food poisoning today, and he is having duty in camp..so worried abt him..and the worst thing is he can oni go see doctor tomorrow..hai~...dunno how he is now..

dese few days i dun have much energy while working, coz i am sad over many things. Also, i got a few lectures from my supervisor, coz i am too tired and always forget some procedures to do..sigh~..after reading alfred's blog, find that alfred actually have more true frenz than me..haha...good for him...and as for me, i've totally given up...and i no time to care for such thing at the present moment..i nid to tackle my family, alfred's family and work at the present moment...nothing else!!! whatever nonsense others wanna give me, up to them...yes, serious..

to miss A: i dunno what's wrong with you, or maybe what's wrong with me that you dun like..but den, if u think that our frenship has ceased, den let it be...i'm tired to care abt all these things too...yup, dun ask me why or ask why i'm so pessimistic...whatever it is, let it be...i'm too tired to care....we may be absolutely good frenz in the past...but that's the past..if you still think we are frenz, den tell me wat i shd do...or even, what you should do...yup...(sorry for being insulting, but i'm sad and worried too...)

to miss B: thanx for enlightening me and let me think that our frenship has some hope?? i'm really tired...if you ask if i bear to give up such a deep frenship after so much that we've gone thru, i can say, it is really up to her...i wun force and i dun mind too...

to miss C: you are the one that dunno anything that is happening, i'm supposed..i've done what i'm told to...take care fren...

it's time to leave this behind??? i nid to take a break from all these stuff...

what are frenz for?

my brain is so cramped up with things...i getting my results tomorrow, so scared..and of cuz, i think i'm gonna fail anyway...haha...but i really can't take the blow, i think..anyway, i will be going over to alfred's hse again...yar..to check my results...

looks like my life is revolving around my work, my family and alfred oni...sigh~...wat are frenz for?? i dunno le...dun ask me why...but seriously speakin, i juz feel like isolate myself from all my frenz..perhaps is to avoid alot of things ba....what has my life become?? i've tot that i'm living a wonderful life, yar...i tot oni....the fact is actually the reverse...frenz are not forever,they come and go with time...true frenz are indeed extremely hard to seek...and one may not even find one in a life's time...hai~

still remember in sec days, i went all out to get myself recognised by my frenz...accompany them home, and taking risks to go out with them and end up being scolded when i reach home...trying to understand what all those frenz are thinking and make sure i'm able to adapt to it...sigh~...u may ask,"why must u do so much to juz get frenz? i tot frenz will come by itself?"

haha...such a naive tot of mine...yar...why?? but what else can i do? being so low profiled wun gain me anything...yar..do u think my group of frenz juz come lidat?? no way! i'm really stupid..coz i dun even noe how to make frenz...yar..but to me, to get frenz, u have to make them gain ur trust, and to do things that they like...well, that's how i define...so i carried on with my way till now..i THOUGHT that i'm right, but...haha...no, obviously...i'm a failure, i noe..

i'm too tired to bother anyway....to salvage the frenship is something that i think it is rather impossible for me to do, coz i can't accept reality...back to the question, "why can't people be like the past? why people have to change?"the answer is obvious, but i juz can't accept it...can't...
i nid much assistance, i supposed...haha..leave me alone ba...i hope everything will be back to norm...i want to be optimistic, but i can't...i can't because i dun have the signal back that i'm in their hearts anymore...*sob sob*...no matter wad, i will still have my smiley face on everyday...no matter wat happen to me, i will still have to carry on with my life...yar...

when can i start scolding ppl and let ppl criticise me back??? i really hope for one of dese days to come..haha..*crazy* coz i think that is the oni time when i noe how bad i am, and what i have to change...and that is the oni time when our frenships have no obstacles or misunderstandings..yar, how i wish...but one condition, the other party has to also have the same mentality as me...

ok, i'm tired..too tired to mention all these again...to my "bestest" frenz out there...i'm sorrie that i've let u all down...i juz nid time to get away with all the loads that are in my mind...i may lose my momentum for anything now, but i'm sure i can catch up soon.... =)

2 more days before my results are out

dunno if it is coincidence or wad, i having my off dis coming friday..i most probably going to alfred's house again...den check my results there..however, i dun even have a slight anticipation for the arrival of that day..coz i fear my results...so fearful that i have been so worried for weeks, ever since i finished my exams..anyway, alfred say if i really did badly, he is willing to accompany me to beach..or even let me slack the whole day at his house..hmm, but think i will choose the beach instead..haha..anyway, i really hope everything will be fine...

yesterday, alfred went out with his army frenz to bugis for dinner...den, he came over to pick me up...that is oni when i requested..sigh~....hehe...on seeing him, my stress at work has gone almost immediately...hehe..a better medicine than other painkillers found on earth..haha..though our meet-up is a very short one, we were very happy le..and he hope friday can come asap, coz he has his day off, and me too...(but i dun like,coz it's the day when my results are announced..hai~)

later going to work again, everyday is juz a routine...and i gotta work on public holiday...meaning, i'll have my triple pay on that day..hmm, not so bad lar..thou i already earn quite little le..haha..muz continue to perservere...very soon, May will be gone....den June...den July...and my school starts again...but a brand new start of a school term is always wonderful..and dis time round, i'll have to travel daily le...at it means i'll have to wake up early...haha..good, i dun nid to rot..i love to wake up early in the morn..oni if my mum dun start to nag me with things..heehee..

shall go bathe now...gonna go work again later.. =(

"saya mahu semua kursus saya bahagia dan tidak rosak..." (rotten malay..hehe)

a new week has started

my day off is so short..now i'm back to work today...going work in 2hrs' time..abit sian oso..

i feel so restricted by my work as i dun have time for anything else, like going out with my frenz, with my boy, or even take a first-hand news on my results and register for my subjects...sigh~
i'm still quite troubled over what to do with the registration...the worse thing is, i dunno when it starts...so quite impossible to have my off day settled in advance..

i sense myself getting old, with an optimistic mentality with anything except my results...where has my competitiveness gone? and how come i can take insults as a motivation?? what has changed me??not sure if it is good or bad..but anyway, things will change sooner or later..yesterday had a good tok with a fren of mine (it is quite inappropriate to have the name up)...and i realised quite afew stuff..hmm, well, we both agreed that people do change...drastically!!! there is no way for one to remain as it is..if it is changing for the better, it will be nice...but if it is the opposite??? that's y i'm quite disappointed and helpless at the same time...well, i shall not say much..as the nightmares are gone...good for that fren..hehe..

come to think about it, i'm also changing...for the better or worse??? i also dunno..it is not for me to judge,but my anger management has indeed reached a higher level..haha..perhaps, it is my boy's influences ba..but of course, there are more to work on...like exercising?? getting more organised??? haha...yar, i will bear all in mind..juz tell me wat's more, and i will work on it..hehe..

hmm, i tot that i would have more time in the holiday for all the stuff that i've missed..but not now le..what have i not done??

1) to shop with my boy..( i mean in supermart) for food to prepare our steamboat..hehe
2) to go pasir ris beach to enjoy the sun set...thou i prefer sun rise..
3) to go jogging and swimming...*huh...sigh*
4) to help my boy to buy some clothes..
5) to go out with my frenz...like yu,wen and rol?? grace,how abt u?? who else??

oh gosh, how am i able to do all those stuff within two weeks?? this "two weeks" refers to the period of time i have left before the school starts and after i stop working..phew...have to rush..

ok,nid to go prepare for my work le...*let out a sigh*

i finally have a day break

feeling quite relax..coz today i dun have to work..haha..but den, that doesn't mean i can sit at home and slack...i have to help cleaning up and purify the whole house...the water is so damn greyish-black...with lotsa dust and dirts...juz can't imagine that we have to breathe in so much polluted air everyday. *sniff sniff* wow, so fresh now...haha..sounds so commercialised..

later having garlic bread and green bean soup for my dinner...yeah, the garlic spread that is made my carolyn's mom...hmm,that also means that our mouths will be stinky later...well, i dun really care when it comes to good food..and anyway, i'm not going out today...*wink wink*

my beloved boy is sleeping in his bunk in camp now ba...or maybe he is training hard for his upcoming ippt...hmm...that means he can't come out today..thou his presence isn't that crucial now,i do miss him quite abit..haha...have to work and etc...really got used to not seeing him for days le...i supposed it is a good thing rite? *grin*

when can i make my pair of new glasses?? yar, i've broken my frameless glasses days ago, feeling so xin1 tong4, coz it's my dad's effort to buy the 3 of us ( me and my sisters) the same type of glasses..hehe..quite interesting...but i've broken mine..so sad.. =(
and for the past few days, i've been wearing my sis's old specs...GOLDEN FRAMED somemore!!! yucks..but den, wat can i do rite? i nid glasses to see..hehe..alfred also laughed at me..hai~...I WANNA MAKE A NEW PAIR ASAP!!!

have been thinking alot lately..about the past and everything...yup..really find that time flies and people change so fast too..to thrive in this competitive and cruel society, people can literary do anything to satisfy their own needs...and never will they think of how other people feel...sigh~...why?i'm so naive to still stuck with the old self...

alrite, i shall leave the past and go on....

a hard day, but a good time

A very tough day today...my break for today has shifted from 4pm to 5.30pm...not because i'm not allowed to eat, but i have to serve the customers..hai~ i feel so larthargic, had my ban mian for dinner...so long nv eat le, quite enjoy..haha..den i ended my work late, coz of last-minute customer, who is very fussy when selecting destination...hmm, poor alfred, had to wait outside for me for so long...

alrite, work aside...alfred bought me starbuck's tiramisu cake..it looks and tastes great...i dunno why he wanna buy, but really thank him..haha..we had a good chat until 12am at my house downstairs...my mum asked if he wanna stay overnite, as it is raining heavily..but too bad he has to go back camp tmr...sigh~..so he has to rush home..

i understand that there is dis fren, A, who is having problem with her relationship...i'm bad at words, but really, i'm sure he will come back to her side...alfred and i also wish that such day will come...so, if have any problem, juz feel free to come tok to us k...we will try our best to help out, or at least lend a ear...yup..just be patient, and give him some time to think about it...i think things will work out eventually...

thou i think i'm quite fortunate to have a boyfren like alfred,it is after so much that we have gone thru and this is perhaps the gift that god gives me...i do hope that everything will stay so good for long...coz i'm lazy and quite tired to gamble again le... =) it is ok if no one understand what i say, as long as alfred understands can le...

alrite, shall go rest le...nitez everyone..

my youngest sister..hai~

That youngest sis, yanxin, is really a problematic child. My parents are very angry with her, but can't do anything also..sigh~...she juz dun wanna listen to us, always laze around and watch tv, go online when all of us are not at home...wat to do?? and dis time round, she failed her English...her best subject is only Maths, and that is nothing better...only A2..hai~..dis yr streaming lor, still rot..say her also no use...she juz think that you are being too anxious, and naggy...watever, she juz dun regret later, and cry over spilt milk..

hehe, today going for work later again. i am trying to have a healthy mentality, so that i will enjoy my work more..haha..at the present moment, everything is still fine. i hope that everything will remain fine..no giving wrong prices, no counting wrong amount, no conflicts between colleagues...haha...

alfred is having duty today, so no one to tok to me during breaks and after work...well, nvm, i will still msg him when i'm free..hope he will enjoy his duty..haha..

still worrying about my exam results...sian...i really dunno what to do if i cannot do well..i juz dun wanna retake...pls allow me to fulfil my request....*pray*

thankew alfred!!!

i really wanna thank alfred...coz for the past few days, thou he can't fetch me home, he will call me after i end my work to ensure that my dad accompanies me home or at least i will reach home safely...really thank you so much.....i enjoyed all the phone conversations with you during my breaks and after work thou all are short...

i do hope that i can have off on fri or sat nx week, so that i can acc alfred and go for his grandpa's birthday celebration...hehe...

hmm..nothing special yesterday

pretty normal for my work yesterday..mainly doing all the "sai gang" (in hokkien)...like printing stuff and stamping dates and time...haha..not bad lar..but, i tried to oni get those genting customers..coz i oni can juggle well with that..that's quite bad, i noe..i got no choice. coz they nv really teach me how to write the form and the procedures..bla bla bla...

my life is really boring..coz no time to go out...oni work and work and work...sigh...and dun dare to think about the results oso..haha..

feeling abit disappointed oso...alfred can't get the deal with the salvation army..hai~..i noe he is very disappointed too as it is his first deal, and he spent so much time and energy in it...but now is to no avail..well, thou i am sad and worried too, i shall continue to support him...i also want him to do well for his first attempt...it is the first time he work so hard for something, pls let him noe that there is nothing that is impossible...and his stupid camp training has hindered everything...so sick..but den, having obstacles are part and parcel of life...shall not despair k...

hmm, have to go prepare for work again le...sigh...when is my rest????

third day of work...how long to go

hooray, can see alfred later...though oni for 2hrs, he is still willing to come and meet me for lunch..so happy..

he keeps asking, "when can i meet u huh?"

so, no choice...haha...sounds like i very great huh...no lar, actually i oso missed him quite alot...and i wanna c him too...so that is y i agreed to mit him later...hehe..

well, roughly got a grasp of what my job is supposed to do le..finally men...but den, i scared i may sell the tickets and hotels at the wrong price..coz now got vesak day and school holiday coming, goodness me...the price all so different...bo bian..have to try..but quite fun to serve customers..and most impt thing is to put on a smile always while tokkin to them..they are actually much easy to tackle as compared to my colleagues in the present department..human can really do anything for the sake of money and desperation..haha..

i miss my tv shows, miss the time between 1pm - 10pm spent at hme...miss my sat and sun resting at hme..sigh~...about 1mth plus to go....jiayou!!!

damn it!!

i seriously think that my hall office ppl are rather incapable...that time i told them to help me get rid of the bugs, they ended up asking me to do it myself...nvm...now, they say i spoilt the cable socket and want me to pay for it....WHAT THE HELL!!! i nv even touch the socket before lor...the cable is already there long before i moved in...and no wonder the speed of my internet access in my room is so damn slow....so whose fault it is now?what is the person checking the room before i moved in doing?? if they really want me to pay, i shall go back and shoot them back...oni noe how to claim for money, when students need help, they juz noe how to say,"that's not our problem, we can't do anything.." and wat if they still leave the spoilt socket there?? the nx person is going to get it, rite? is this the way how these ppl earn money?? seriously speaking, it is best not stay in hostel....to get such unnecessary, damn things....feel like calling them back and give them a good scold...

yesterday is my first day of work...still can manage, but have quite alot of stuff must learn...as in the procedures...actually, other than the stress i got, it is nothing much..not very busy...haha..and my colleagues still remember me...that's good...however, there are many who had left...and many are pregnant...hmm...will that help in increasing the birth rate in Singapore...erm, more like for malaysia..nvm...*sensitive*..

there are so many ppl who wanna go Genting, KL, Melacca..more for Genting ba...ppl go there to gamble..and i wonder after Singapore's Casinos are opened, will there be as many ppl rushing to Genting still?? whatever it is, i'm sure the tour agencies are going to suffer quite alot..feel like going for a tour oso..haha..but den, i dun think i can now...so tied down with work...

second day of work today, jiayou ba!!! =)

first day of work

i gonna meet my colleagues again later after one year...filled with anticipation, but feeling more dreadful than excited..haha..really scared lor..nid to learn alot more things than before...and the worst part is it ends at 10pm!!!! there goes my whole wonderful holiday...sigh....bo bian, have to input some income ma..

yesterday went to buy comp with my family, alfred tagged along too..hehe..not really a tough search lar...quite easily can get it done, but the prob is the process of waiting..hehe..very long about 1 1/2 hrs..my sis nv complain..hmm, perhaps is bcoz she can get her new comp, so no matter wad,she wun whine...haha...

den went esplanade with alfred again...coz we really love that place..dunno y...a place where we can relax and share things...of course, beaches too...but den, esplanade is nearer ma...haha..we took some photos again..but den, that alfred nv pass me his phone,so can't upload lar..and too bad, i haven got my phone yet..sigh...shall wait till i got my pay first, den buy ba..haha..oso nid my parents' approval...how long will it takes???

dunno y i start to fear for the exam results...hai~...i really scared i'll fail..even if i nv fail oso no use...i nid to re-take my physics 1 le....and i dunno wat to do,coz there is a subject that requires MS1001 as my prerequisite...die lar...that means i nid to overload for at least 2 more semesters..that is provided that there is no more failing and no more prerequisites...that is y i feel so sian about studying...so sick...anyway, juz do wateva i can..there is no one to rely on le...no frenz is true now...sigh....so disheartened...wish me good luck!! hope i can at least drag through dis uni life and cope with those "frenz" out there, who treat their frenz like rivalry....how sad undergrads are....no frenz, but enemies...a bunch of self-centred, super kiasu and tok nothing but study ppl....wat a failure...yar...those who doesn't fall under those criteria are considered rare and precious..haha...and are often struggling with uni life...1 victim here le..well, shall not bother so much le...and a good thing is i dun nid to stay in hostel le, so have a place for me to escape from all dreadful things, and that is home!!!! wonderful....

i will miss you, alfred....though i cannot see you for quite some times, juz remember that i have you in my heart always....*hug hug*....dun feel sad... =)

i start working nx monday

after a tough search, i'm back with grassland..haha..but den, the time is really terrible..i'm working shift...sigh~...my working hrs is not wat other ppl will accept one....1pm - 10pm....and i am not working in the ticketing department le...change to tour department...so muz learn much more things..hope i can still cope lor..

me today went fred's hse for fun...he say he wanna cook for me...not bad lar..the pasta with thick creamy sauce and lotsa ingredients...but i love his mum's cook...really very nice..haha..too many good food le..dunno how to describe the delicious food with my limited vocab..hehe..but that also means i'm growing fat!!! so depressing...haha

ok, i did manage to take some photos before i say sayonara to my hostel room...hehe..i noe abit late, coz i lazy to update photos..very troublesome...hehe... ;)



my cupboard with my jeans hanging....

the pathetic fan in the room that nids to work 24hrs a day...


my desk...huge rite...and can see that there are some food on the shelves..hmm...



a close-up look on my messy table...hohoho..



a picture of my bed juz after i woke up...aiyo, so messy..

it is juz some memories that can stay with me..hehe...more memories to upload..but, i'm very tired now..do it nx time ba...haha..*yawn*

good nite everyone!

i'm very tired

i'm very tired...not because i've went for an extreme exercise, neither is it because i've been helping my parents. it is the travelling that i've done for something that isn't fruitful..yar, searching for a job....spent 45mins travelling to Bukit Timah Shopping Centre and ask me to wait...den say so sorry,pls come tomorrow...what the...(-_-)"'

thanx to my mum's "great" idea...travelling to a place that i've never been before...first time concentrate so much on the road signs and names of the buildings while i'm sitting in the bus...and wat makes it so shitty is i forget to top up my ez-link!!!! and i was praying hard that there is a top-up machine there...so, it is a wonderful tour as i'm able to see so many schools like ACS, NYGH, Chinese High, NJC, HCJC, RGPS, SCGS, MGS.....wah, felt so stressed when i'm in the bus...coz the brains are all in that bus 67...

finally, really finally, i've reached that building..and when i tapped my ez-link, gosh, it showed -$0.20....oh no...so since i reached early, i went around searching for a top-up machine..from the shopping centre itself to beauty world plaza.....NONE!!! so i tried to ask the people there...but, they say there is no such machine around.....yar...but WAT??? no machine around?!?...good luck to me...lucky i managed to change some coins with the ppl there, so the problem is solved...phew!

when i'm about to go home empty-handed, i realised there is no bus stop in the return direction...oh my god! so i walked about 5 bus stops distance before i manage to see one 67 bus-stop....by then, my legs are aching and it worsens the strain i got for my left leg yesterday...so i ended up limping up the bus...and all the way back home...

really very tired now...feel so drained...and tomorrow is another day in search for job..haha..looks like i'm really desperate for job...ok, i shall go watch my fav channel 8 tv show le..

hope that this school holiday can stay longer...hehe...

looking for a job

i also dunno y i can manage to come online..haha..very weird thou..i'm afraid i am doing something illegal....*scared scared*....this wireless network lor..suddenly connect me to internet..and i can't find who this network belongs to oso.wat is going on???

anyway, yesterday is my last day of exam..hehe..chuying and huiyi wanna go buy cds..so i juz acc them since i oso got nothing to do ma..we went chinatown..but the weather there is terribly hot..so we juz walked for awhile, den decide to go Citylink..walking aimlessly as usual...next, huiyi came up with an idea..to go bowling..i dun mind, since i've not been bowling for for quite some time oso..den happily play three rounds..and of cuz, my skills is super malu one..haha..anyway, i got aches in my knees and arms due to lack of exercise for so long...hmm...now still aching...sianz...

den, i met up with alfred for dinner...we went to Giant at marina square to help my mum get ginger and apples..alfred helped me to choose apples...btw, my mum say majority have some parts rotten..hmm..ALFRED!!!! haha...nvm lar...she wun blame u one...coz my dad oso dunno how to choose..hehe...den we went esplanade to take photos and admire the beautiful scenery there...yar..did have some photos in alfred's phone...nx time then post up...well, i'm tired le...and there is some things alfred dun wan me to say it, so tt's all lor...

sigh~....still looking for job...why it is so difficult to look for one? shall not despair, shall go look around soon...when?...soon lor...coz my parents nid me help to tend the shop at the present moment..hehe...ok lar...end here...still have to fix this stupid laptop..dunno how to reformat..sigh~!!!

"to be loved is always better than to love..."

hmm..i wun be blogging for a long time..

yar, i wun be staying in hostel after today...haha..now waiting for alfred to come, den can go off le..hmm, wonder wat time he will reach..feel like sleeping soon..haha..ok, meanwhile, shall write my blog...

i'm feeling so free, thou i have one more paper to go..haha..well, there is still some time for me to prepare anyway....as i've said, i wun be able to blog so frequently from now on..coz i will be going home to stay...yar, and with limited freedom and slow processing comp, i may not be able to blog lor..haha...but den, i will be changing a new PC soon, very soon..as soon as my exam ends..yeah..think my sis will be the happiest..coz she can msn..haha..bad-mouth her a little here..she wun mind one, anyway..haha..

oh gosh, juz received an sms frm alfred saying he can oni come at 6.30pm...i wanna slp le..how?....dun care..go slp first..later he come, den wake me up...haha...

alrite, shall end here le....cya guys soon....hmm....soon....yar..haha *yawn*

the battle is finally coming to an end soon

today's physics is better than maths..haha..but that doesn't mean it is any much better...seems like my results for the few exams will be quite atrocious..haha..coz till now, like nv praise any subject yet...hey, still got two more to go..sounds like it is going to end soon, but no!!! coz tmr is my prescribed exam...the "Are you ok?" thingy...and i say that my exam stretched till May is true lor..coz my last paper is on the 3 May..that stupid effective comm...ppl start playing, relaxing..while i still having my last paper..sigh~

juz had a lunch with my roomie, for the first time..hehe...and now super full..think i ate too much le..haha..well, it is an enjoyable one thou..keke..perhaps, it is a form of stress relief ba...tokkin abt stress, yar...the whole chunk of "Are you ok?" is tokkin abt different types of mental disorder...and teach you how to relieve stress..what's the pt? i dunno...to me it is juz a subject rather than something for me to learn..no exams will be good enuf...y teach so many ways to relieve stress when the root is not cured??

my head is hurting now..dunno y...muz be the terrible weather...too hot le ba...thou i like sunshine, but oso not lidat..hehe..(i'm so fussy.)...feeling giddy...should i go slp? hehe...no ba..coz still nid to study..sigh~

tmr will somehow be my last day in dis hostel..haha..coz i will study the last paper at home..finally can go home...hooray!!! i miss my sisters and my bed so much..of cuz my parents too..haha..i can't imagine that i've actually "离家出走" for one week plus..haha..eh,and that means my homesickness has reached to the limit...quick...tmr pls come asap...and that alfred still say he can oni come at 5pm...shucks...well, no choice...wait patiently ba....coz i nid him to help me carry stuff..as well as his own stuff to bring home..hehe..

wow,have not been waking up so early ever since jc

i love morning...but ever since i step into uni, i dun have the chance to see the sun rises..coz i tend to slp late and wake up late..haha...well, it requires alot of discipline to wake up early...really..still can remember how hard my mum tried to wake the three of us up (my two sis and me)...but the days will be back soon after i moved back to my home to stay..yeah...

and reason for me to wake up early is bcoz i nid to complete my physics...hehe....

ok, back to study..

i love morning, i love sunshine, i love fresh air.....

reasons for why i had wasted my whole weekend

equations after equations...theory after theory....wonder why Albert Einstein wanna come up with the relativistic theory...make me study so many equations..sigh~

actually, i really deserve a slap..coz i've wasted my weekend by slacking...

22/4 (fri)
i spent my whole nite playing online games, blogging, listening to music and watching tv...(sinful)..

23/4 (sat)
i spent my morning study abit...really abit...and think nothing gets in..den, watch my sat tv shows while waiting for alfred to come...den went to jp seoul garden for dinner, coz alfred suddenly crave for it..btw, dis time round is he treat...haha..den we bought some stuff before we headed back to hostel...and we start to tok about his work's prob...den i continue to study...think there are some facts stored in my brain, i'm not too sure oso..haha..

24/4 (sun)
have a great breakfast with alfred....and now still struggling with my physics....hehe...

really deserve a slap...hahaha....continue to study...

NO SENSE OF URGENCY..what's wrong?

where is my sense of urgency?

what have i been doing for the past few days? hey gal, it is not holiday yet...wake up...

GO STUDY NOW!!!
YES, I MEAN NOW!!!!!!! *SLAP*

a rather old song..but always feel so emotional when i hear it

this song is 明天会更好.

a rather old song..the singers oso very old..haha..but it reminds me of my primary school days..where i played dis song for my sch choir... i like the lyrics very much, coz it is very meaningful..unlike those songs now, oni have the theme abt love..hehe..think back, i have not been playing piano for so long le..haha..should be rusty le ba..hmm..but what make me 遗憾 is i lost my score for dis song le...

in those days, i gotta perform my solo pieces for all prize-giving ceremonies..haha..and during pri 5, there is dis talent time going on..and no doubt, we won lar..but den, i had a big quarrel with my best fren..haha..see, i still can remember..den, every monday, i am always very stress out..haha..coz i nid to play the school song for the whole school..and always made lotsa mistakes..especially my first try...so embarrassing..haha..but who will remember? i'm juz so insignificant den...

and i enjoyed most when i'm in pri 6..with chien kit and lee hong sitting beside me..haha..always chit-chat..den kenna scolded by Mrs The..hehe..but really hav to thank lee hong,coz a super blur person like me will always forget that there is 听写 and 默写....and he secretly read out wat he noes for me..hehe..and end up scoring better...so paiseh..maybe is because our frenship is so closely bonded..till now we can still keep in contact...

but those were the days lar...i no longer perform my lousy piano skills on stage le..i no longer play games with my pri sch frenz...coz we've grown up le lor..so weird to have race, to chase after each other and end up perspiring so much during supplementary lessons..*wink wink*..haha..and that Yang Cheng Kai...nv forget him...又爱又恨 .....oopz, digging my history..well, is not 爱 lar..juz that those ppl keep saying abt us..well, made us hate each other so much...but now, no le lar...thou i nv tok to him for so many many years le...haha..nvm...

ok, shall get back to work le..got physics to study..hehe..

exams oni half way through, i'm already thinking of holidays

i'm really bored..roomie not in..den alfred having duty..well, dis is not the first time experience loneliness..haha..blasting music and bloggin to make my presence felt by....myself??hmm, i really miss those jc days..where life is much more fun, relax and purposeful...unlike what i have now. sigh~

the priorities are also set differently....
in JC:
1) singing
2) go loitering around cum chit-chatting
3) studying

in UNI:
1) studying
2) still studying
3) go Jurong Point for some fresh air..

see how different?uni life is extremely boring...

still rem those jc life, i can go out with huiyi and chuying for lunch at J8. before and after choir can go have meals or walk to bus stop together with grace, maria, charm, etc...can meet up alfred after school (provided our lesson ends around the same time) to go compasspoint to walk walk..still remember everytime we went compasspt, we sure buy one bowl of ice kacang..usually, i will end up giving alfred everything..and i oni eat the ice..haha..

still rem the time we have group study at BK (either kovan or rivervale mall)..if kovan, will be with Liwen, Huiyi or Alfred, and sometimes with other ppl along...really have to thank them..coz without them, i may not do well at all...haha..den have cheesesticks coated with thick chilli sauce for forfeit when we end up start playing with scissors, paper, stone...very childish,i noe..but those were happy memories...haha..

am i old coz i'm so nanny-like, keep saying grandmother's stories..hehe..?

juz finished my mat sci exam

shall not comment abt the exam dis time...let fate decides wat the outcome is...

i've seen something quite interesting in my mat sci's notes..



it is not very clear..i noe,coz can't blame the resolution of cut and paste from the notes..ok, it is actually an image of two types of elements - Copper and Iron..with iron atoms on copper (111) surface...and it forms the word "atom" in Chinese...how interesting...haha...that's wat so interesting about mat sci..

ok, now i dunno where to go take a break...
home??no no..coz i nid to study physics..no pt going home..
jp?eh, very sian to go alone leh...
opposite? *nod nod*...but i've been there yesterday le...sigh~

where should i go?hmm...most prob going opposite ba..coz nid to go buy dinner oso..

see, how boring hostel life is rite? especially during exam period....

places that i miss

i miss bugis (place where i go most frequently)...
i miss TM (place where alfred and i used to go most frequently)...
i miss PS (place where alfred and i go during school days for movies)...
i miss Jalan Kayu (place where alfred and his classmates gather, and me being an extra)...
i miss esplanade (place where alfred and i share our thoughts)...
i miss Suntec (place where our first date is)...
i miss Hougang Stadium n swimming pool (place where we go for sports)...
i miss Citilink(place that alfred and i will pass when we go suntec)...
i miss my home (obvious rite, place where i feel sense of belonging)...
i miss Pasir Ris beach (place where there are alot of memories with alfred)...

and i wanna go all these places after exams....all....

there goes chemisty...embracing materials sci.*puke*

there goes my chem...thot it is supposed to be a rather easy paper, but....*sigh~
well, no time for me to despair, coz tmr will be my mat sci paper...muz do well dis time..

how i wish my battle can end asap..i dun wanna study...i wanna have some fresh air outside BOON LAY...haha..and before i forget, there is juz one week more before i get out of this place...i will leave dis "insect infested" area..haha..meaning, my hostel room...yup..i wanna go home asap..miss my bed and everything...

"daddy, can u come and help me bring all the bulks home?? now??"...hehe..how i wish i can say that...but juz one more week...(endure..endure..endure..)

time really flies when it comes to exam period...always moan for having not enuf time to study...nah, juz an excuse for me..hehe..coz i simply have an extremely poor time management..
starting have some meaningless talks le..pardon me, coz i still suffering from the aftershock of that Chem paper...

my brain is draining fast..after today's exam, i suffer from a short headache and giddiness...y?...dunno...the acute pain in my head is killing me...and the humid weather is worsening the situation..anyway, it is gone..

ok, now trying to squeeze some left-over brain juice to put my materials sci info in...jia you ba!!!

i'm so glad today, thou i realised that i can't finished my chem

y i'm happy...answer is obvious...because of alfred..really think he matured alot..haha..but, should not praise him first,coz he may become arrogant..haha..anyway, the obstacles he faced has gradually mould him to become a stronger, more flexible, wat else, erm...a more thinking person..yar...i like him more now..hmm, but den i really wanna think thru still,coz i dun wan to make any rash decision and end up regretting..

juz now went dinner with him, i treat him again..coz i see him so stress, den so poor le,so being a girlfren shd do something constructive...haha..but can tell that there is something still up in his mind..he was deep in thought when we are having meal...he ate oni abit..think he is too stressed le...i try to help, but think my help isn't very useful ba..so i dun dare to tok so much...

wondering where has alfred's innocent smile gone?

i missed his smile....

i dun want him to give a bitter smile always..

what is wrong?

what should i do to make that smile once again appear on his face? *troubled*

alright, meanwhile, i shall study my chem, c how much info can get into my brain..haha

i almost lose my comp

i almost can't post dis blog today,coz some "accidents" happened to my comp...oni hui yi noe..*wink wink*...i was so helpless juz now..but den, by trial and error, i managed to get it back..haha..well, hope it wun happen again...if not i will faint...very stress!!

today's computing...hai~...it juz hurt me when it is mentioned, coz i sure wun do well one..so many damn programs to write...how can i memorise all?? hai~...but hope the rest are correct,den at least i can get a pass...haha...shall buck up for my chemistry and mat sci on consecutive days,thurs and fri...( when will i have a time to relax?)....*sigh*

i find that i can't cope with the lifestyle in Singapore...y? being a singaporean, still say such thing...so embarrassing...but the stress level here is too high le, for it to be working class or juz students...my parents have to stayed up late at office to finish their jobs..and we students have to keep studying, studying, and studying...and wat satisfaction can we get other than the good results that we got...is it the reason y ppl turn to material goods to satisfy their emotional needs?

well, not that i wanna announce to the world, but juz to let my dear frens noe that i've broken up with alfred a few days ago...it is a partial one, meaning we are still officially together, but juz that we are not together..*confused*...nvm..coz i nid some space to breathe and think..hmm, dun feel shock...it is quite common within couples, coz when we are too into each other, we tend to deviate the meaning of relationship...juz a time to cool down and think thru...hope the result is something positive..haha..but for now, juz concentrate on my studies...by the way, we are still very good frenz...thanx alfred for making his first step out of his fear...heehee...

"is it true that there are really angels in this small little world??"

这种感觉真好，但是。。。

老天总爱做弄我。。让我一下子开心，一下子悲伤。。当我很想放弃时，你让他出现在我面前。。这一点都不好玩。。 请别再开这种玩笑了。。。

as for today's malay...no comments..coz i juz whack everything i noe...so not that i'm smart when u see me leave the hall early..it is juz that i got nothing more to write..yup!

all the best for my computing tmr...which means another day nearer to my freedom... =)

加油！

tokkin abt relationship

sometimes i wonder, is it because there is a choice, ppl tend to be more picky? is it because they can choose the best, that's y they become intolerant with things...

for my case, yar...it's a whole chunk of story about alfred again...i dunno y i'm so fussy when it come to him doing things..am i juz too sensitive?well, i dunno..all i noe is he is getting on my nerves...for wateva he do and bla bla bla...or maybe i'm juz too tired to care..

but a weird thing is hw come i can stand my mum, but i can't stand alfred? those who noe my mum shd noe wat i mean...and that leads me to ponder...is it because there is a choice, i tend to become so intolerant with things....and when there is no choice, my tolerance level can reach to infinity... tolerance level = (no choice) /(have choice)....as "have choice" is increasing, tolerance level will decrease...and when there is "no choice", "have choice" = 0, and tolerance level = infinity...

whatever it is, i'm very tired to think abt the word "relationship"...and i hav no more energy to continue...P = E/t...when E = 0, no matter how long it takes, the power of love is still zero...that's physics..and i agree that it does apply..

belajar bahasa melayu hingga saya tak boleh tahan

have been idling for the weekend..coz i have to recover from my sickness as well as the shock that i've gotten from the bloody maths..tend to be slightly vulgar now..coz i really hate MATHS..

having to have studied so much for maths, but so wad?? still can't manage to do so many qns..think gonna fail badly dis time round...so sick...starting to lose the momentum to study le lor..hai~..but den after a short break..i'm back to study...*sigh*...rushing all the last minute work for my malay tomorrow and computing on the day after..feeling so miserable..my siblings are slacking at hme, watching tv and chit chatting..and me??studying so hard thou i'm worn out physically and mentally....sick!!!

my sis exchanged my phone with hers...for this two weeks..well, i still waiting patiently for my arrival of my new phone..and that is when it start to sell in Singapore..hmm...shall be patient...

stupid alfred has made me angry again...due to his stupid acts...haha..but den can tell that he is bothered by his work..coz i can see him deep in thots at times..thou he nv say anything..but it is always very obvious...well, this is a time whereby he can start to take up tasks and see how well he can manage..juz take it as a form of challenge..and it will also show ur sense of maturity, dear..haha..ok, if u nid any help, juz tell me k...i will surely help..but den not now lar..after exams k...no nid to ask for anything in return, except reducing ur rubbishy toks, and becoming less whiny..hehhe...

oh no...i'm falling sick

dunno what happened to me..after i ate my lunch, i start feeling weak..and also, i wanna puke...hai~..wat's wrong with me?so sick...both mentally and physically..

thanx alfred for accompanying me thru msn..haha..

too sick to think properly le...hai~...dunno what i'm tokkin oso...

nvm

study has been rather disgusting to me

have been studying maths for the past few days..and getting both impatient, as well as worried...i am trying very hard to get things into my brain..but things dun always go with my way...i really dunno if i can even pass my maths dis time round..really disgusting...all the theorems are making me headache.
so sick,feel like flunging everything..but of coz, it is impossible..what should i do??how to get things into my head?
somethimes i'm wondering if god is really helping me or not. whenever i have my test, esp. maths, i will sure have problems sleeping..first time is being bitten by those insects..second time is being waken by noises on and off...and all these contributed to a fail grade for my tests...hai~

y muz it be lidat? my life should be controlled by me, y is it that all these unfortunate things muz happen? i'm feeling sick...i'm tired too...and still, i have to get everything into my head...

pls allow me to sail thru dis period of time smoothly...i juz wan a pass for my maths..pls dun give me anymore nonsense....thankew!

alfred called me juz now during his break time..he thanked me for helping..haha..how i wish i can share my problems with him...but he is really very busy and bothered with his work..shall not disturb him...perhaps, dis is a low morale period during exams...

please cure me before the exams really start.... =)

have been a busybody for days

juz realised that i'm very kpo with things..haha..everything wanna noe..

juz now helped xianwei n alfred find "customer"...hai~...thot it will be a successful one,but wat he want is not what they can provide..at that moment, den i realise that how difficult it is to start a business...and alfred has his NS to serve..so, xianwei has to do almost all the jobs..well, i really hope i can help out in one way or another..hehe..coz i am kpo...but, i think i've been more like a burden..haha..coz create lotsa doubts..anyway, lucky they found another..hmm...hope it will be a successful one....starting a business can be interesting, but there are many things to consider before you even move a step...

"i'm trying to help.."
dis sentence is in my brain all the time..i wanna help my frens when they face difficulties. i wanna help alfred when he is troubled..i wanna help my sisters when they are puzzled over studies..i'm juz trying to help..but den,a positive connotation may turn out to be the opposite.
i've become a big KPO over many things...haha..thou no one say,but i knew it myself...shall learn how to stop dis habit.. ;p

alfred is having his duty today again...that's y he never contact me the whole day...life is becoming more and more meaningless without his presence..haha..does that means that i start to love him???? *scratch head*

alrite, continue with my dinner...*yummy*

wow..a really good singer

juz heard yes 93.3, 李圣杰 sounded so good.."live" somemore..juz like it is played from cd..haha..hmm, my 偶像 ...even peifen oso say he is very good..he is in pitch for all the songs lor..佩服 ...and his character is very good oso..hope he can do well for his singing career...

alfred, dun feel sour hor..hehe..i like both of u..haha..

a wonderful day with alfred = never study

had a marvellous day with alfred today..he came over immediately after he booked out, and we had our lunch and dinner together..helped him to register for advance theory test and practical lessons..now den realise that the process of learning how to drive can be so tedious and expensive..but, den...it is beneficial, so it is worth it..

our dinner...made alfred angry again, but seriously speaking..i like to see him angry..coz that's the time when he is very serious..haha..really..that's the time when he will start to make decisions..and that's the time when he starts to show his maturity??hehe..yar..i told him that..and he say i bian4 tai4..haha..but it is true lor..

i think today is a day for me to learn to relax..coz i haven start studying...but lucky my problem is somehow put to a halt..hehe..dun nid to be so fan2 at the present moment.hope it is a good start for me to tackle all the exams..haha..

for the past few days, i really dun have mood to study..trying super hard to squeeze in something..i'm afraid that i will forget everything the moment i step into the exam hall..juz like wat i've been experiencing for my maths tests...wat had happened to my brain??i guess i nid a break..so today, i really took a break..hope my brain can recover..if not i will have to fail again...*touchwood*.. =)

"a positive mindset is a vitamin for the brain..."

alfred, thankew so much for ur presence today...thou u may think it isn't anything..but it is really something to me...and thankew for making an effort to improve urself in all aspects..i really appreciated it.. =)

i'm afraid that i'm going crazy soon

did anyone feel the tremor yesterday?? i felt it at home and 3 times somemore..really feeling giddy..and also fear that the flat may collapse..*touchwood*..but my house's hanging lamps are swaying...so scary..

my dad's car's engine died yesterday while we are on the way for tomb sweeping..and we were stucked at the entrance to the PIE..really very dangerous..and lucky my uncle was there with his car..so he helped us to settle everything..and of cuz, the trip wasn't successful...basically that's all for yesterday..

today,hmm...i spent the whole day with alfred..we went bugis to buy things..it rained so heavily lor,and so surprised that he got bring an umbrella..so we wun drenched..haha..something happened when we were at the basement of bugis junction, where ppl sell food..juz when we bought our takopachi, a wel-dressed lady stood behind us..and kept staring at alfred and me..we were puzzled..and nv really bother..den,when we were about to walk away, she stepped my slippers..i was so pissed..and said," wat's your problem?"

really wanna scold her le,but alfred juz say sorry and she still think she is right...and say, "that's better."

ppl who noe me will noe that i wun let the matter rest so easily,but since alfred said sorry,so i got nothing to say,and alfred is very traumatised...i think that the lady is really mad, there are two gals who were frightened by her too..and they screamed..tt had attracted many attentions lor..but, i decided not to bother..so we continued to shop..that alfred still dare to say, "i wonder if it is a tv comedy prank.." (-_-)"'

den, when we returned..that lady was being questioned..maybe there is dis brave-so who decided to call for security..hehe..hmm..still quite angry,but suan4 le4 lar...

今天才发现 alfred 这么会撒娇。。哈哈！今天我才知道他有多么不开心。因为我伤害他太深了。。也不知道我今天对他说的话是对还是错，但我真的不想他那么伤心。当然，我说的都是真的。我也会做到的。可是，我希望他可以别让我为他操心。考试将要来了，加上他和我的问题。。不懂要怎么说。。 别人有男友可以依靠，而我却是给男友依靠的。。得保护他，不让别人伤害他。。很累。。但是，我们已走了那么久了，不能这样就放弃。。只好继续下去。我种觉得我比较像是他的姐姐或妈妈，多过像个 gf。。刚收到 alfred 的电话，他告诉我他的 basic theory test 及格了。。哈哈！为他高兴。。 虽然只是一个 easy paper, 不过对他来说是一个肯定。希望他其他的 exams 也会做得一样好。。加油！

alfred,
all i can say is, cheer up k..i'll do wat i've promised..and dun worry, i wun leave u lar..for wat rite? u so nice to me, how can i bear to do that??there should be no one else in between us..i promise k...rest assured..(",)

today:

study for are you ok? => alfred called to wish me good luck => test started 6.15pm
=> finished my test at 6.30pm
=> saw charlene (kuah), she so free lor..waiting for yen ching
=> slack for awhile => went bathing => eat apple n drink coffee to wake myself up
=>continue with the battle---maths.. => study for maths for tmr's test
=> remember to SLEEP early..

~*~ that's all for today ~*~

will be able to see alfred tmr, cos he is fetching me back home and have lunch with me..yeah...i'm so happy..hmm, one week never see him le..really miss him alot..and i have to make up for the wrong that i've done..*nod nod*...what wrong?? i dun wish to say...yar...alrite, i have to pia my maths le...(thinking of my dearie....)

Angels brought me here

This song is dedicated to my dearest Alfred....

Angels Brought Me Here -Guy Sebastian

It's been a long and winding journey
But I'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces
Walking back into the light
To the sunset of your glory
Where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling
When I look into your eyes

My dreams came true
When I found you
I found you, my miracle

If you could see what I see
That you're the answer to my prayers
And if you can feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here

Standing here before you
Feels like I've been born again
Every breath is your love
Every heartbeat speaks your name

My dreams came true
Right here in front of you
My miracle

If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
If you could feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here

Brought me here to be with you
I'd be forever grateful (oh forever grateful)

My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle

If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
If you could feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here

If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
If you could feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here

carolyn,i finally understand wat's going on

i finally noe wat's going on with my roomie after reading valerie's blog..haha..yar..that b****...

i'm super pissed too when i read it..how can she do this??but wat to do? ppl do have their evil self that is hidden behind their masks...and if it is me,i'll go give dis gal a tight slap sooner or later...if she dun trust her bf, den wat's the pt of being together with him...poor kq..well..hope i'm referring to the right person.hehe...and hope that guy will unveil that evil woman's mask and give her a big scold..(can slam her to the ground will be better)...i'm super evil too..*grin*..

blog is a place where ppl can let go all their feelings..dun feel so sad abt ppl pasting ur blog or wad,coz it may means that they are jealous or wad??so,carol,continue to write watever u think u wanna express..as for that b....up to her if she wanna comment,up to her if she wanna paste the whole chunk on her blog..juz that she is senseless..and juz that she is still so IMMATURE...well, to endure may not be the best way to solve a problem..if it is me,i'll do it more, purposely to fume her back..haha..that's me...dun do it k...*demure*...

well, can see how angry i am..if really there is this someone who do such thing to me,he/she will get it from me SOONER OR LATER...haha....oh no...*demure demure*...can see my devil's horns start to come out...

anyway,in this world, there are many different kind of ppl...and if such person do cross ur life, juz take it as an experience coz it is juz an unfortunate event to meet up with such a b****.dun worry, when u meet a devil, juz remember, there will sure be an angel/angels around to protect u... =) (haha,finally tok some senses..)

dear, i'm really sorry

Alfred,

i'm really very sorry for wat i've done,.i really hope u can understand..i dun wish to have everything turn out to be so wrong..i really hope for ur understanding..i'm trying hard,really hard to stop it..and i want ur encouragement,not scolding..i can understand y u r so angry..but can u understand my situation?? i dun think so...but whatever it is, i hope u have more confidence in urself..dun be so negative with everything k...i hope what i've done for u all along can assure u something??can tell u something??or maybe,u r oni aware of wat u've done for me,and not the other way round..

well, i dun blame u at all..go think abt it ba..maybe i'm a real failure...maybe everything shouldn't start lidat...maybe...maybe...

Xue Ying

to-do-list and a record of wat i've done today

today:

study materials science => mat sci test
=> effective comm tut(last day)
=> went funan with huiyi to get her earpiece changed
=> pastamania (funan) => see shuai4 ge1
=> travel back to ntu
=> study maths
=> going to bathe later
=> remember to eat apple
=> remember to sleep early

~*~ THE END ~*~

depicting my feelings

i really miss alfred alot..hmm..juz think of dis song to put up..though we are not at the opposite end of the world,but we are at the opposite end of Singapore.. =)

孤單北半球

用你的早安陪我吃晚餐
記得把想念存進撲滿
我　望著滿天星在閃
聽牛郎對織女說要勇敢

不怕我們在地球的兩端
看你的問候騎著魔毯
飛　用光速飛到我面前
你讓我看到北極星有十字星作伴

少了你的手臂當枕頭　我還不習慣
你的望遠鏡望不到我北半球的孤單
太平洋的潮水跟著地球來回旋轉
我會耐心地等　等你有一天靠岸

少了你的懷抱當暖爐我還不習慣
Ｅ給你照片看不到　
我北半球的孤單
世界再大兩顆真心就能互相取暖
想念不會偷懶　
我的夢通通給你保管

trying to overcome all these in order to continue with my revision...

determined to complete my materials science revision by TODAY!!

yesterday went suntec with the two of them..to shop, of course!! but the weather isn't really very nice to us..had been raining almost the whole day lor..and is super chilling even when i'm in my hostel room..we went carrefour coz chuying wanna look for her earphone and huiyi wanna buy her necessities..but ended up, huiyi bought so many things and chuying empty-handed..so we decide to go funan..and that is where cy finally found her earphones..haha...and we saw that zen micro is selling at $345 each...den that huiyi was so fasinated lor...and ended up buying 2..one for herself and the other for her cousin..haha...however, one is faulty..so today,she has to make a trip back to that shop to as for a change..good luck!

nothing much after that..cy and i rushed for our malay..and had a rather nice dinner lar..haha..well, den after bath,i went to their room to study lor...and stayed overnite..

it is really a torture...coz here i was mugging, there they are..playing online games...wat a fren.haha..it requires alot of concentration and self-discipline..haha..but i succeeded lor..

no choice, who ask me to have more tests than them dis week rite..

tomorrow is my materials sci quiz..have to finish my mat sci by today..no matter wad...den tmr morning can have some revisions..haha..my thinking is too ideal le..hope i really can do according to what i've planned..

gonna rush for my computing soon...haven have my lunch yet...and today alfred is taking his basic theory test...wish him all the best...muz do well arh..coz it should be a rather easy paper..haha..dunno, nv take before..and think i dun have the chance to take too! =)

watch out when u walk on road

orchard is a place where you can see many ppl,eh...to be more specific, is many familiar faces...that isn't the worst, worst is when u see someone that u dun even feel like seeing for mths..yrs...bla bla bla..ok, shall talk about what i've seen yesterday, which is saturday, at orchard...here it goes...

i was supposed to mit alfred at somerset at 3pm..well, i was late by 3mins according to alfred..den we went to cineplex to go watch "swing girls"..btw, it is a very entertaining show..thou, the ending is predictable,but it always makes me feel comfortable..rather than those ghostly movies..haha..so,i can't be the one recommending show,coz u ppl will sure think that my taste "bleah"...haha..ok,get back to the main topic..oh,so we went to buy the ticz for 5.30pm one..coz the earlier one is almost full..den dun like to sit at the front..yar..den we decide to go to HMV to shop ma..so we crossed the road..and that is when the nightmare begins..

i received a phone call...and to my horror..is simon..well,y the heck would he wana call me..den i answer..so, i realised that he is actually behind us..well,he nv change at all lor..oni his galfren that is changing..think is his 8th galfren ba..when i tot he juz broke up not long ago,and here he is with another one..wow...*clap clap*..and his galfren super "dao" one..nv even say hi or wad..but who cares..haha..and wat surprises me is not that i saw him...but more of my feeling at the moment...i really dun feel anything, not even an increase in heartbeat..well, y??haha...maybe my heart is too tired to beat so fast le ba..juz dun feel anything other than hypocrisy..the atmosphere at that time isn't quite good, coz can sense alfred's uneasiness..and of cuz, my super hypocritical smile..can't believe that i can really be so fake..haha..anyway,me and alfred really dunno how to react to such situation lor..but it is ok if it occurs rarely... =)

well,den after we've finished walking around HMV, we decide to go back to cine..to continue to waste time...and heard that fionna xie and sharon au will be there..so, we hurried to the basement, where there is a M1 road show. haha..really saw them..took a few pics of them, but like not very clear..hai~..but, nvm lar..at least can see them with my own eyes..haha..den alfred saw some ex-detainees eating at the food court...they are quite friendly actually. so,dun think that all detainees are bad..no!!!some may be good oso..den when it's about time, we went upstairs to wait..and i saw zhi hui and his galfren...yesh,no doubt, the pr 6/2 zhi hui..ruifen..ahem..haha..and he abit like xianwei lor..that's alfred's comment lar..anyway,his galfren quite good lookin lar..but he can't recognise me le..but no worry, xianwei still better looking..haha..nx, alfred saw his fren...erm, think is a band member who is close to kexin..and like huiyi dun like one..haha..should be lar..but she changed alot..became prettier??

den had a great dinner with alfred,coz i treat him..hehe..first time..and we had a great chat at my hse there...alfred is asking for my permission to let him set up a business with xianwei..well,i'm ok with it..coz he can gain some experiences lor..he was very happy..and i promised to help him in one way or another..and, he scared that he can't do much due to his NS..and make xianwei do alot of stuff...so that is y he ask me if i can help..of course lar..nan2 de2 alfred so hardworking..haha..i sure will help one..well, what i'm more scared is, alfred may end up having a conflict with xw..coz one super rash,and one super lack..hmm..i really fear for such thing to happen lor...hope it will not happen..*pray*

it's time for study again..so tired...but, bo bian..haha..ok lar...jiayou!!!

a happy day

after a long hours of preparation for my speech yesterday nite till 2am, it is finally over today...the presentation today is quite good, though all of us fumble abit..but overall is ok lar..hmm, so fast finished le..quite relieved..but another round of battle will come nx week...shd be prepared for it first...

now down with slight flu..think is due to the lack of slp for the past few days as there are so many tests...sian. but luckily, tmr is my last day before a long week end..haha..well, i love friday, saturday and sunday..coz i can GO HOME!!! hurray...really anticipating...

alfred came today juz to accompany me to eat dinner..haha..really very happy..and he is so anxious about my meal..well, i juz dun hav the habbit of having a very full dinner lor..anyway,i wun blame him,coz it's the concern that counts..haha..and wat surprises me more is he updated his blog without me nagging..haha...finally!!! though he always write the same old story, but i enjoy reading..as i can sense his presence even though he is not beside me...

ok,shall go eat my apple le..haha..

p/s: alfred, kamu bukan sahaja baik hati malah tampan...hehe...

first time design my own blog..hehe

i noe some people will start to say, " wah, so free to design a blog arh..no nid study izit?"

hmm, coz i think that the previous blogskin got some problem..anyway, first try, so there are some more touch up to do..but now isn't the time, coz i nid to start preparing for tests and exams to come...

today is really a battle..coz i had chemistry and computing tests...chem should be ok, coz i never spot any mistake yet..but this is hard to say one..hehe..and that computing, really what the hell lor..i dun understand wat is numeric array, coz i never studied that..anyway, i thot the test is on GLUT, so yar....my fault...the tutor want us to write down a program on standard deviation...alamak, it is a gone case. actually, many of us dunno how to start oso..but eventually, still managed to set up one. thou not sure if it is a correct one,but at least i got submit one..haha..

ms ong chatted with me yesterday nite at around 1am...should be dis morning..haha..she very qian4 bian3 one..everytime wanna suan me..btw, she asked me to join her new set up choir...oso, want me to drag alfred along..haha..i really dunno how lor..should i go for it or should i join nyjc alumni?? so fan2...

tmr is my malay oral exam...starting to panick le..very scared later he asks questions that i dun understand..den i'll end up saying, "erm...er...eh...."
*~ stressed!!!

ok, end here...gonna start studying now...

last friday, i went out wif alfred's family to celebrate his grandma's birthday..we went to the restaurant at Ang Mo Kio, forgot wat is the name..anyway,the food wasn't really very nice..i like the fish and the prawn oni...oopz...but that is true lar..alfred's mum kept asking him to help me take the food...so paiseh, and i really very full le, that stupid alfred still keep giving me. and himself oni eat abit..haha..so, bo bian, have to stuff everything in...had a great time there, though i oni spent very little time with alfred... =)

den, my mum really very power sia..she got back the $58 from the company that conned me..she called the company and scolded them for using such despicable tricks to cheat "innocent" ppl like me..ahem..haha..yar, den she really wanted to write in to SPH to complain..wow, her complaining skill is so powerful that the manager decided to return the $58 to appease my mum's anger..well, c how much i hav to learn from my mum..haha...but it is not always so lucky, so muz learn from the mistake...and i'm quite relieve, at least not feeling so guilty le..haha..

recently like many mediacorp artistes like to come to jurong point to take shoots...saw 钟琴 and 周初明 last week...and today, i saw Fionna Xie and 王建复 for 好摄二人组...so coincidental..before they start to look for ppl, i saw Fionna Xie window shopping...looking at the shirt-printing shop...she is really very friendly, can take pics with anyone..and treat ppl as if they are her friends...haha..den that 王建复 was actually playing time crisis at the arcade before shooting lor...he was quite good...but, made us wait for our turn..and think he is too engross le, so nv realise that we are there...hehe...

hmm...well, today's physics paper sux...think i'm really gonna fail dis time round..nvm...shd prepare for chem test that is held tmr le...*sigh*

to comment on wat i've seen in carolyn's blog..hope she wun mind

shall write it in chinese..since chinese is the best way to communicate..haha...

对，世上没有所谓的童话故事。那些都是哄小孩子的玩意儿。但是，故事都会给我们一些启发点，比如，告诉我们什么是爱、什么是关怀。这些都是童话所要传达的。当然，不可能找到所谓的白马王子，而且，就算是个白马王子又怎样？他不一定会给你幸福。一定会有好跟坏的。。而我，不求一个好看的男友，只求一个对我好的。虽然刚开始很难接受，但我还是克服了。。你的天使就在眼前，他是你的守护者，请好好珍惜吧！别再对任何事而后悔了。可能它不是你最爱的人，但他一定是最爱你的人。至于过去的事，既然是过去，就别再想他了。。那不止会让你自己痛苦，也会让深爱你的人伤心。好好想吧。也好好珍惜你眼前的人。。hehe

well,take hrs to write dis few sentences..shall leave everything to after exams ba...now so stress,can't possibly write anything down...

btw, i will not be seeing alfred till after exams...dunno if i can manage to overcome all these lovesickness..oopz...too 肉麻了...haha..ok,shall get back to study...good luck to myself...

tests...tests..exams...exams..and a promise

nx week onwards is really going to be a long and tedious battle for me...and of course, many other people too..time really past so fast, dis sem is like coming to an end soon..and which means, exams are coming..so stress sia..nx week will hav my physics test on monday, chemistry and computing on tuesday...and luckily, materials science test is postponed to the week after..still got time to study..and the week after nx i will have my malay oral on mon, mat sci test on wed, effective comm oral presentation, and "are u ok?" test on thurs, and maths test on fri..oh,god..how to manage?? and juz when i think i can rest, is the week for exam!!! rest??no way!!

have to start studying like crazy le..dun blame me if i start to ignore questions..start to giving out-of-pt answers..haha..juz to remind u guys..oso,may i getting impatient now and den..haha..alrite, more to come, but can't possibly recall now..

and gek tiang, u are making my life difficult, u noe??hehe..coz i really dunno if i can make it for the concert...so much to learn in one mth plus...how to remember all the songs? i may not meet ur expectations lor..and i have not been singing for mths..my voice oso nid time to get warmed up..haha..to worsen the situation, i'm in desperate needs to find a job in the holidays..hai~ but will take serious consideration on whether to take part anot k...i nid to consult many people again..haha..and i do miss singing sooo much lor..wat should i do??

before i end dis blog, i wish everyone all the best for the upcoming exams!!! muz 加油 k...juz remember, there will be a long holiday after the exams..heehee..

sob sob....am i suffering from depression??or am i merely too emotional??

i suddenly feel very sad..dunno y..

my dad is going overseas again soon..very worried abt him always..coz no one take care of him when he is overseas.very scared...am i worrying too much??

nx, i scolded alfred in front of the public last week..i noe he is really very sad and disappointed..i dunno y i suddenly scold him till so jialat..when i realised i'm wrong, i couldn't find him anymore..at that moment, i was very scared..i tot he had left me and not returning..but, i was wrong..he waited for me in the mrt station..he nv leave me..he stood there, waiting patiently..and when he saw me, he was so happy..he nv even scold me or angry with me..he oni hug me and say "nvm..dun do that again..it is very hurting."..
i asked him,"y u still wait for me when u dun even noe if i will return anot?"
he replied, "i noe u will return.."
he has nv given up hope, always so patient wif me..tolerating my nonsense again and again..well,he is really a precious gift for me...

and den...there are so much things cramped inside me...gonna burst sooon...y muz i always cause so much trouble to ppl out there..always hurt ppl who are close to me..y?? i'm sure many ppl have experienced dis from me...hai~ what have happened to me??
i wanna change...but how?

y can't i be like others? y muz i keep every unhappiness to myself and end up bursting out and make everyone around me so shocked and pissed?i'm a real failure lor..dun even noe how to be a proper someone..please scold me to wake me up....thankew!!

clean here, clean there

have to thank my whole family for helping me to clean up my hostel room today..haha..now feeling so clean and comfortable..but it is really a long hours job to get all these things done..should i declare that my room is bug-free now?? :)

dis morning went to the food fest..it is super crowded..my mum bought so many things like they are free..of course, the things that she bought are all healthy food...had a great meal there too..den we went to the other exhibition hall that promotes skin care, beauty and dunno what products...well, i kenna cheated by one of the stall...they say can try for free...hmm..and i at first reject, but that salesgal is really very irritating..keep asking me to try...den since she say it is free,so no harm trying wad...den after tt...she insisted on wanting me to pay for the product..i was so stun...coz i thot she said it is free..den she said, "i did told u regarding the price..bla bla bla"..wat the hell...my sisters oso heard that lor...den my mum dun wanna make things difficult for me, so she paid...and that small little try cost me $58...my mum nv scold me..she oni say, this is a lesson..nx time dun accept such offer....yup...really lor...whoever is reading dis blog, remember dis k...dun get tricked..i still feel so bad and angry..sorry mum...

hmm, i got to hav my dinner now...

patience is a word of burden

have been tolerating dis for so long...shall write them all out, though i noe it may hurt some of my frenz..but y should i care so much and being so PATIENT with them??

i do admit that i have a rather bad temper, but i wun anyhow show it unless i am really pissed!! since JC, i've been tolerating nonsense like, can't making up a proper decision, and shy dis shy that...i tried to give in by deciding everything...i'm fine with one of them, cuz at least she is more organised...but y can't they be more independent???y everything muz ask for a confirmation before they act?? dare to say but dare not to do...wat is dis...*fumed*..

ok dis persisting patience aside. we were actually doing a project for effective comm( u shd noe who u are!!)..and since she want me to discuss, so i give some suggestions and hope that they are of great help..and what the hell...everything said will eventually been refused by an excuse or wat..i'm oso trying to help....hai~ i dun mind help her go out to interview if she dun dare lor...but, how to??since our interview thingy muz be done asap...and it is her camera, how am i supposed to say?? "eh, give me the cam, i go do.." ....no rite?? and i can't be assisting her in doing all these..she has to overcome her fear and move on....it is juz an interview..y so scared?? den the background of the ppt slides, was asking her what she want to put as backgrd...den she at first say maps of different countries..but i think it is too messy if put,so i ask if we juz put coloured backgrd wif colours of the countries we did..she say look like msn backgrd..ok, den i give up..den she suggested country flags..i say, anything lor...den when shera came online, she told her about the backgrd she suggested, den shera disagreed at first, but den, she say she will make it lighter or wad...and there confirms the backgrd..well, it is really up to her lor..if the backgrd come out to be weird, dun blame me...anyway, it is oni a project..better get it done and that's it..dun wanna lose my pts because of dis...so juz try my best ba..

sometimes i'm wondering, what is true frenship...dun tok abt cy,she can only be considered to be a good fren..hy??she keeps saying that i'm one of her very close fren...hmm...but i seriously think that i'm not..being close fren is a mutual thingy..how can it be decided lidat??....and everything she said is only concern abt her interest...like SHE...and someone, promised her not to say it..i'm so sick abt all these..trying to bear with her, to give in, to accept her thots...bla bla bla...i nv say i'm wei3 da4 or wad..i'm selfish..that's y i can't tolerate all these...

y can't she be like wen, yu, rol, or grace, which i will think of when i nid a listening ear???perhaps, she is not really my type of frenz ba...i dun think our frenship will last for long...think when uni life ends, our frenship will oso end....too tired to continue wif all these..and my patience limit has almost reached the fullest le....

well, i'm juz stating how i'm feeling...the truth is always cruel...if she can't accept what i said, i can understand...but i really too tired to be bothered...

bugs..bugs..BBBuuUUgggGGGzzzzzzz

i had dunno how many sleepless nitez ever since i realise my bed kena bed bugs...though still not confirm, but i got bite marks all over my body every morning..i juz can't wait to go home...arggggg!!! ok, back..my mum asked me to bring a mattress to the hostel room, and stop sleeping on the buggie bed..i did, but think the bugs are really li4 hai4. my present mattress oso kenna..sianz...and today, i finally found time to go hall office to report. however, the reply is making me fume...she said," go get ur bed expose to sun lor." but i really dunno wat to do..coz hall 5 dun have a proper place to dry clothes...so i asked her for suggestions for places to air my bed. she said, "oh, i dunno." and wat am i supposed to do?? *shake head* =(
y can't they juz change a bed for me?? or help disinfect my room?? y they give such a negative remark? hai~

well, i'll move out of this place around 30 apr...hope nothing worse than this will happen to me..and hope my effort in killing the bugs will help...

"bugs, bugs...go away...come again another day...little Xue Ying want to sleep...hehe.."

such a great weekend

yesterday is a great day..really have an enjoyable time with my ex-primary schoolmates..majority are still the same..haha..shall pen down what happened yesterday as a piece of memory. here it go...

We were supposed to meet at 5pm to have dinner...i wasn't really sure how many were going..anyway, the 6 of us were the earliest..Chien Kit, Bao Yan, Weifu, Weijie, ME and Alfred (the extra..oopz..haha)..since we were early, we started to think of places to hav dinner..and Weifu came up with Cafe Catel...so, everyone agreed..we asked for seats that can accomodate 13 ppl...and the person-in-charge really helped us...and we sat there for abt half an hour..den, we started to become impatient.."where are the rest???"..so Chien Kit and Baoyan contacted the rest...and guess wat??the majority said that they can only make it at 6pm...so we continued to wait...the queue at the entrance is getting longer and longer..and we were so paiseh..den ruifen msg that she wanna go Fish n Co. well, we initially really dunno wat to say, as we already started to order for food...and the person-in-charge helped us reserve so many seats...and the queue outside...hai~~...well, thanx Chien Kit..he came out wif a lie...forget wat is it...and we all managed to get out of the place..such an awkward scene...

den we all went Fish n Co. to hav our dinner...the rest of the ppl are...Susan, Siping, Lee Hong, Pei Suan and her bf (one more extra), Ruifen and Xianwei (another extra)..haha..we did have a great meal and chat..tok about our lives now, and oso about wat happened during those primary school days..the rest not so impt le, coz nothing much..but hav to thank xianwei and ruifen for driving Alfred n I home... =)

today, me and alfred went to the last day IT show at Suntec...it was so crowded...squeeze here and there...anyway, alfred managed to get his digital cam..haha..and that was after a long long search..he was very excited..can tell from his expression lar..den he came my house to drink green bean soup..and teach my dad to use digital cam..thou it is a waste of time, coz dun think my dad will remember how to use still..haha..oopz..ok, den thankew alfred for helping me to carry all the loads back to hostel..noe it is very tiring, but he insisted on carrying them..how nice..hehe..okok..but is indeed a wonderful and purposeful day...

haha..all those happy memories aside, shall start muggin le..dun wanna regret again...and hope everyone will be as happy as ever... ;)

COMPUTING n MATHS are killing me....

today got back my chemistry paper, so sian...got some careless mistakes..hai~..waste my points..anyway, it's over..no point moan over something that is done n cannot be undone..yup..my policy is can cope can le..haha..dun wanna give myself too much stress..

as for computing, it is quite fun, but there are too many programming language to remember, and i not sure if i noe when to apply which..haha..still can laugh..but really quite scared that i will not do well..realli..anyway, i'll go figure out soon..coz next tuesday is my computing test le.can't possibly dun care rite..haha..i do think that my computing tutor is quite good..but physics..hai~..at first is a chinese tutor, we cope well and understand all his teachings..den come an indian tutor..i really got nothing good to praise him. during lesson, he like tokkin to himself, and with his whole body covering the whiteboard while he is writing..and his fonts for transparency, as well as, things he wrote on the whiteboard are really small. wondering who he is teaching..to himself, or to us..

down with terrible flu today..coz i slept very little yesterday nite..den kept sneezing during lessons..so paiseh..and i think i've interrupted many ppl..but that is not my fault. i oso dun want that to happen..den i skipped two lectures in the afternoon, Chemistry and Computing, to go back hostel to sleep..after some medication and replenishing sleep, i'm feeling much better le..haha..if not, i wun be blogging..hmm, dis friday have maths test..i have to study now, in case i have to burn midnight oil again..haha..

p/s: i'm ok le..back to normal...gonna meet Alfred tmr...anticipating...hope dis kind of thing will not happen again...we are going to tok tmr, should be able to clear all the problems by then.. :)

things that trigger my thought to stay in hostel for another yr..

i'm quite certain that i wanna quit staying hostel until yesterday...i got scolded by my parents for tokkin on phone..suddenly feel so restricted..have no freedom to do anything i wan..hostel has become a hiding ground for me--to avoid all the noise n restrictions...but will i ended up regretting again??haha..well, who noes..especially when it comes to making decisions for myself...i'm extremely terrible at it..

tokkin about regretting...i really dunno if i'm starting to regret over wat i've done for many things, especially in relationship..i've made wrong decisions over and over again, and these decisions are crucial for the relationship to continue. i started to regret ever since i broke up wif Simon. y i would want to agree wif him that we should give each other time to cool down?and i regretted not asking him for the reason for breaking up..

nx, i regret starting a relationship wif Alfred..y muz i agree to be his galfren?if we are still brother and sister. perhaps, he will be much happier..and me too..that is only if we noe that so many problems will occur...wondering if he will still want to start this relationship if he initially noe that i'm so troublesome??i dunno the answer..den as our relationship starts to grow, we face many other problems...i dunno wat are they..think he too..coz we always avoid all of them..i regretted making decisions to solve problems individually, and end up wif quarrels, cries, and sadness...y???i really dunno how to love a person...who can teach me?? all those bullshiting sayings that glorify the power of love and bla bla bla...wat help can they provide?hai~

nx issue...i noe many ppl will kill me, one will avoid me, and one will hate me and feel sad, after reading dis, well, i dun bother...i really dunno wat my mind is thinking..i do noe how to persuade huiyi to forget weiliang..but wat abt me?finally can understand y she always say she can't forget him, even after so long..hmm, i really thought that i had forgotten dis guy for so long..but den, why hav i been dreaming of him for so many nites,so many months?? i can't explain myself..i will dream of time when we are together, and will feel a sense of happiness when i wake up. why? i dunno..is this the reason that make me keep isolating myself from Alfred, emotionally?? Xianwei had tok to me before regarding dis issue, but i seriously dunno wat i shd do..so sorry..i really can't love Alfred wholeheartedly...y?? yesterday, alfred told me that he feel that i'm taking advantage of him..well, i've said this in my past blog..but he felt that the reasons that i wanna mit him are when i'm lonely, sad, and nid someone to tok to...i do feel the same...but, if i dun like him, y will i feel equally sad when i hurt him? y i would care so much about his health, studies, future..bla bla bla...are there any hidden conspiracy that are yet to be seen...hai~...


I hate myself for giving ppl trouble and unhappiness...i dun want anyone to be unhappy because of me...I'm very sorry!!! i dun ask for forgiveness, but i do hope u will accept my sorry..that is all i ask for...

Shocking news!!!

finally can manage to update my blog..haven been doing so for quite awhile..mainly due to the problems my comp received, like spyware, n updating failure...bla bla bla..well, anyway, i've finally managed to settle that problem le..hope there are no more problems to my comp.haha..

read a news juz now tokkin about the high failure rate for English in TK. really quite shock..and i seriously believe that there are some miscalculation in the marks..how can that be? being an ex-tksian,i would say that the English teachers there are mostly very good in teaching English..if not, i would not have do well...from an E8 in prelim to a B3 in 'O' levels..dun tell me my marks oso miscalculated..haha..*touchwood*..it is a very sad news, and i believe that all tk and ex-tk students will agree wif me that there is really something wrong with the calculation..and wat aggitated me is they only allow 15 students to re-check their marks...how can? wat about the rest? I dun think that such limitation is fair..

worst of all, English is one of the most important subjects for further education..and yet, such thing did happen..wat are these ppl going to do? perhaps, their dreams are shattered by the results they got..hope that there will be a proper analysis and a proper way to deal with this...however, why is it that only TK got such thing?....hmm, this is indeed very strange...well, shall not jump to any conclusion...let the next news report tell us the conclusion ba..

oh, my god...kena gastric pain again...hai~....