a happy day

after a long hours of preparation for my speech yesterday nite till 2am, it is finally over today...the presentation today is quite good, though all of us fumble abit..but overall is ok lar..hmm, so fast finished le..quite relieved..but another round of battle will come nx week...shd be prepared for it first...

now down with slight flu..think is due to the lack of slp for the past few days as there are so many tests...sian. but luckily, tmr is my last day before a long week end..haha..well, i love friday, saturday and sunday..coz i can GO HOME!!! hurray...really anticipating...

alfred came today juz to accompany me to eat dinner..haha..really very happy..and he is so anxious about my meal..well, i juz dun hav the habbit of having a very full dinner lor..anyway,i wun blame him,coz it's the concern that counts..haha..and wat surprises me more is he updated his blog without me nagging..haha...finally!!! though he always write the same old story, but i enjoy reading..as i can sense his presence even though he is not beside me...

ok,shall go eat my apple le..haha..

p/s: alfred, kamu bukan sahaja baik hati malah tampan...hehe...

first time design my own blog..hehe

i noe some people will start to say, " wah, so free to design a blog arh..no nid study izit?"

hmm, coz i think that the previous blogskin got some problem..anyway, first try, so there are some more touch up to do..but now isn't the time, coz i nid to start preparing for tests and exams to come...

today is really a battle..coz i had chemistry and computing tests...chem should be ok, coz i never spot any mistake yet..but this is hard to say one..hehe..and that computing, really what the hell lor..i dun understand wat is numeric array, coz i never studied that..anyway, i thot the test is on GLUT, so yar....my fault...the tutor want us to write down a program on standard deviation...alamak, it is a gone case. actually, many of us dunno how to start oso..but eventually, still managed to set up one. thou not sure if it is a correct one,but at least i got submit one..haha..

ms ong chatted with me yesterday nite at around 1am...should be dis morning..haha..she very qian4 bian3 one..everytime wanna suan me..btw, she asked me to join her new set up choir...oso, want me to drag alfred along..haha..i really dunno how lor..should i go for it or should i join nyjc alumni?? so fan2...

tmr is my malay oral exam...starting to panick le..very scared later he asks questions that i dun understand..den i'll end up saying, "erm...er...eh...."
*~ stressed!!!

ok, end here...gonna start studying now...

last friday, i went out wif alfred's family to celebrate his grandma's birthday..we went to the restaurant at Ang Mo Kio, forgot wat is the name..anyway,the food wasn't really very nice..i like the fish and the prawn oni...oopz...but that is true lar..alfred's mum kept asking him to help me take the food...so paiseh, and i really very full le, that stupid alfred still keep giving me. and himself oni eat abit..haha..so, bo bian, have to stuff everything in...had a great time there, though i oni spent very little time with alfred... =)

den, my mum really very power sia..she got back the $58 from the company that conned me..she called the company and scolded them for using such despicable tricks to cheat "innocent" ppl like me..ahem..haha..yar, den she really wanted to write in to SPH to complain..wow, her complaining skill is so powerful that the manager decided to return the $58 to appease my mum's anger..well, c how much i hav to learn from my mum..haha...but it is not always so lucky, so muz learn from the mistake...and i'm quite relieve, at least not feeling so guilty le..haha..

recently like many mediacorp artistes like to come to jurong point to take shoots...saw 钟琴 and 周初明 last week...and today, i saw Fionna Xie and 王建复 for 好摄二人组...so coincidental..before they start to look for ppl, i saw Fionna Xie window shopping...looking at the shirt-printing shop...she is really very friendly, can take pics with anyone..and treat ppl as if they are her friends...haha..den that 王建复 was actually playing time crisis at the arcade before shooting lor...he was quite good...but, made us wait for our turn..and think he is too engross le, so nv realise that we are there...hehe...

hmm...well, today's physics paper sux...think i'm really gonna fail dis time round..nvm...shd prepare for chem test that is held tmr le...*sigh*

to comment on wat i've seen in carolyn's blog..hope she wun mind

shall write it in chinese..since chinese is the best way to communicate..haha...

对，世上没有所谓的童话故事。那些都是哄小孩子的玩意儿。但是，故事都会给我们一些启发点，比如，告诉我们什么是爱、什么是关怀。这些都是童话所要传达的。当然，不可能找到所谓的白马王子，而且，就算是个白马王子又怎样？他不一定会给你幸福。一定会有好跟坏的。。而我，不求一个好看的男友，只求一个对我好的。虽然刚开始很难接受，但我还是克服了。。你的天使就在眼前，他是你的守护者，请好好珍惜吧！别再对任何事而后悔了。可能它不是你最爱的人，但他一定是最爱你的人。至于过去的事，既然是过去，就别再想他了。。那不止会让你自己痛苦，也会让深爱你的人伤心。好好想吧。也好好珍惜你眼前的人。。hehe

well,take hrs to write dis few sentences..shall leave everything to after exams ba...now so stress,can't possibly write anything down...

btw, i will not be seeing alfred till after exams...dunno if i can manage to overcome all these lovesickness..oopz...too 肉麻了...haha..ok,shall get back to study...good luck to myself...

tests...tests..exams...exams..and a promise

nx week onwards is really going to be a long and tedious battle for me...and of course, many other people too..time really past so fast, dis sem is like coming to an end soon..and which means, exams are coming..so stress sia..nx week will hav my physics test on monday, chemistry and computing on tuesday...and luckily, materials science test is postponed to the week after..still got time to study..and the week after nx i will have my malay oral on mon, mat sci test on wed, effective comm oral presentation, and "are u ok?" test on thurs, and maths test on fri..oh,god..how to manage?? and juz when i think i can rest, is the week for exam!!! rest??no way!!

have to start studying like crazy le..dun blame me if i start to ignore questions..start to giving out-of-pt answers..haha..juz to remind u guys..oso,may i getting impatient now and den..haha..alrite, more to come, but can't possibly recall now..

and gek tiang, u are making my life difficult, u noe??hehe..coz i really dunno if i can make it for the concert...so much to learn in one mth plus...how to remember all the songs? i may not meet ur expectations lor..and i have not been singing for mths..my voice oso nid time to get warmed up..haha..to worsen the situation, i'm in desperate needs to find a job in the holidays..hai~ but will take serious consideration on whether to take part anot k...i nid to consult many people again..haha..and i do miss singing sooo much lor..wat should i do??

before i end dis blog, i wish everyone all the best for the upcoming exams!!! muz 加油 k...juz remember, there will be a long holiday after the exams..heehee..

sob sob....am i suffering from depression??or am i merely too emotional??

i suddenly feel very sad..dunno y..

my dad is going overseas again soon..very worried abt him always..coz no one take care of him when he is overseas.very scared...am i worrying too much??

nx, i scolded alfred in front of the public last week..i noe he is really very sad and disappointed..i dunno y i suddenly scold him till so jialat..when i realised i'm wrong, i couldn't find him anymore..at that moment, i was very scared..i tot he had left me and not returning..but, i was wrong..he waited for me in the mrt station..he nv leave me..he stood there, waiting patiently..and when he saw me, he was so happy..he nv even scold me or angry with me..he oni hug me and say "nvm..dun do that again..it is very hurting."..
i asked him,"y u still wait for me when u dun even noe if i will return anot?"
he replied, "i noe u will return.."
he has nv given up hope, always so patient wif me..tolerating my nonsense again and again..well,he is really a precious gift for me...

and den...there are so much things cramped inside me...gonna burst sooon...y muz i always cause so much trouble to ppl out there..always hurt ppl who are close to me..y?? i'm sure many ppl have experienced dis from me...hai~ what have happened to me??
i wanna change...but how?

y can't i be like others? y muz i keep every unhappiness to myself and end up bursting out and make everyone around me so shocked and pissed?i'm a real failure lor..dun even noe how to be a proper someone..please scold me to wake me up....thankew!!

clean here, clean there

have to thank my whole family for helping me to clean up my hostel room today..haha..now feeling so clean and comfortable..but it is really a long hours job to get all these things done..should i declare that my room is bug-free now?? :)

dis morning went to the food fest..it is super crowded..my mum bought so many things like they are free..of course, the things that she bought are all healthy food...had a great meal there too..den we went to the other exhibition hall that promotes skin care, beauty and dunno what products...well, i kenna cheated by one of the stall...they say can try for free...hmm..and i at first reject, but that salesgal is really very irritating..keep asking me to try...den since she say it is free,so no harm trying wad...den after tt...she insisted on wanting me to pay for the product..i was so stun...coz i thot she said it is free..den she said, "i did told u regarding the price..bla bla bla"..wat the hell...my sisters oso heard that lor...den my mum dun wanna make things difficult for me, so she paid...and that small little try cost me $58...my mum nv scold me..she oni say, this is a lesson..nx time dun accept such offer....yup...really lor...whoever is reading dis blog, remember dis k...dun get tricked..i still feel so bad and angry..sorry mum...

hmm, i got to hav my dinner now...

patience is a word of burden

have been tolerating dis for so long...shall write them all out, though i noe it may hurt some of my frenz..but y should i care so much and being so PATIENT with them??

i do admit that i have a rather bad temper, but i wun anyhow show it unless i am really pissed!! since JC, i've been tolerating nonsense like, can't making up a proper decision, and shy dis shy that...i tried to give in by deciding everything...i'm fine with one of them, cuz at least she is more organised...but y can't they be more independent???y everything muz ask for a confirmation before they act?? dare to say but dare not to do...wat is dis...*fumed*..

ok dis persisting patience aside. we were actually doing a project for effective comm( u shd noe who u are!!)..and since she want me to discuss, so i give some suggestions and hope that they are of great help..and what the hell...everything said will eventually been refused by an excuse or wat..i'm oso trying to help....hai~ i dun mind help her go out to interview if she dun dare lor...but, how to??since our interview thingy muz be done asap...and it is her camera, how am i supposed to say?? "eh, give me the cam, i go do.." ....no rite?? and i can't be assisting her in doing all these..she has to overcome her fear and move on....it is juz an interview..y so scared?? den the background of the ppt slides, was asking her what she want to put as backgrd...den she at first say maps of different countries..but i think it is too messy if put,so i ask if we juz put coloured backgrd wif colours of the countries we did..she say look like msn backgrd..ok, den i give up..den she suggested country flags..i say, anything lor...den when shera came online, she told her about the backgrd she suggested, den shera disagreed at first, but den, she say she will make it lighter or wad...and there confirms the backgrd..well, it is really up to her lor..if the backgrd come out to be weird, dun blame me...anyway, it is oni a project..better get it done and that's it..dun wanna lose my pts because of dis...so juz try my best ba..

sometimes i'm wondering, what is true frenship...dun tok abt cy,she can only be considered to be a good fren..hy??she keeps saying that i'm one of her very close fren...hmm...but i seriously think that i'm not..being close fren is a mutual thingy..how can it be decided lidat??....and everything she said is only concern abt her interest...like SHE...and someone, promised her not to say it..i'm so sick abt all these..trying to bear with her, to give in, to accept her thots...bla bla bla...i nv say i'm wei3 da4 or wad..i'm selfish..that's y i can't tolerate all these...

y can't she be like wen, yu, rol, or grace, which i will think of when i nid a listening ear???perhaps, she is not really my type of frenz ba...i dun think our frenship will last for long...think when uni life ends, our frenship will oso end....too tired to continue wif all these..and my patience limit has almost reached the fullest le....

well, i'm juz stating how i'm feeling...the truth is always cruel...if she can't accept what i said, i can understand...but i really too tired to be bothered...

bugs..bugs..BBBuuUUgggGGGzzzzzzz

i had dunno how many sleepless nitez ever since i realise my bed kena bed bugs...though still not confirm, but i got bite marks all over my body every morning..i juz can't wait to go home...arggggg!!! ok, back..my mum asked me to bring a mattress to the hostel room, and stop sleeping on the buggie bed..i did, but think the bugs are really li4 hai4. my present mattress oso kenna..sianz...and today, i finally found time to go hall office to report. however, the reply is making me fume...she said," go get ur bed expose to sun lor." but i really dunno wat to do..coz hall 5 dun have a proper place to dry clothes...so i asked her for suggestions for places to air my bed. she said, "oh, i dunno." and wat am i supposed to do?? *shake head* =(
y can't they juz change a bed for me?? or help disinfect my room?? y they give such a negative remark? hai~

well, i'll move out of this place around 30 apr...hope nothing worse than this will happen to me..and hope my effort in killing the bugs will help...

"bugs, bugs...go away...come again another day...little Xue Ying want to sleep...hehe.."

such a great weekend

yesterday is a great day..really have an enjoyable time with my ex-primary schoolmates..majority are still the same..haha..shall pen down what happened yesterday as a piece of memory. here it go...

We were supposed to meet at 5pm to have dinner...i wasn't really sure how many were going..anyway, the 6 of us were the earliest..Chien Kit, Bao Yan, Weifu, Weijie, ME and Alfred (the extra..oopz..haha)..since we were early, we started to think of places to hav dinner..and Weifu came up with Cafe Catel...so, everyone agreed..we asked for seats that can accomodate 13 ppl...and the person-in-charge really helped us...and we sat there for abt half an hour..den, we started to become impatient.."where are the rest???"..so Chien Kit and Baoyan contacted the rest...and guess wat??the majority said that they can only make it at 6pm...so we continued to wait...the queue at the entrance is getting longer and longer..and we were so paiseh..den ruifen msg that she wanna go Fish n Co. well, we initially really dunno wat to say, as we already started to order for food...and the person-in-charge helped us reserve so many seats...and the queue outside...hai~~...well, thanx Chien Kit..he came out wif a lie...forget wat is it...and we all managed to get out of the place..such an awkward scene...

den we all went Fish n Co. to hav our dinner...the rest of the ppl are...Susan, Siping, Lee Hong, Pei Suan and her bf (one more extra), Ruifen and Xianwei (another extra)..haha..we did have a great meal and chat..tok about our lives now, and oso about wat happened during those primary school days..the rest not so impt le, coz nothing much..but hav to thank xianwei and ruifen for driving Alfred n I home... =)

today, me and alfred went to the last day IT show at Suntec...it was so crowded...squeeze here and there...anyway, alfred managed to get his digital cam..haha..and that was after a long long search..he was very excited..can tell from his expression lar..den he came my house to drink green bean soup..and teach my dad to use digital cam..thou it is a waste of time, coz dun think my dad will remember how to use still..haha..oopz..ok, den thankew alfred for helping me to carry all the loads back to hostel..noe it is very tiring, but he insisted on carrying them..how nice..hehe..okok..but is indeed a wonderful and purposeful day...

haha..all those happy memories aside, shall start muggin le..dun wanna regret again...and hope everyone will be as happy as ever... ;)

COMPUTING n MATHS are killing me....

today got back my chemistry paper, so sian...got some careless mistakes..hai~..waste my points..anyway, it's over..no point moan over something that is done n cannot be undone..yup..my policy is can cope can le..haha..dun wanna give myself too much stress..

as for computing, it is quite fun, but there are too many programming language to remember, and i not sure if i noe when to apply which..haha..still can laugh..but really quite scared that i will not do well..realli..anyway, i'll go figure out soon..coz next tuesday is my computing test le.can't possibly dun care rite..haha..i do think that my computing tutor is quite good..but physics..hai~..at first is a chinese tutor, we cope well and understand all his teachings..den come an indian tutor..i really got nothing good to praise him. during lesson, he like tokkin to himself, and with his whole body covering the whiteboard while he is writing..and his fonts for transparency, as well as, things he wrote on the whiteboard are really small. wondering who he is teaching..to himself, or to us..

down with terrible flu today..coz i slept very little yesterday nite..den kept sneezing during lessons..so paiseh..and i think i've interrupted many ppl..but that is not my fault. i oso dun want that to happen..den i skipped two lectures in the afternoon, Chemistry and Computing, to go back hostel to sleep..after some medication and replenishing sleep, i'm feeling much better le..haha..if not, i wun be blogging..hmm, dis friday have maths test..i have to study now, in case i have to burn midnight oil again..haha..

p/s: i'm ok le..back to normal...gonna meet Alfred tmr...anticipating...hope dis kind of thing will not happen again...we are going to tok tmr, should be able to clear all the problems by then.. :)

things that trigger my thought to stay in hostel for another yr..

i'm quite certain that i wanna quit staying hostel until yesterday...i got scolded by my parents for tokkin on phone..suddenly feel so restricted..have no freedom to do anything i wan..hostel has become a hiding ground for me--to avoid all the noise n restrictions...but will i ended up regretting again??haha..well, who noes..especially when it comes to making decisions for myself...i'm extremely terrible at it..

tokkin about regretting...i really dunno if i'm starting to regret over wat i've done for many things, especially in relationship..i've made wrong decisions over and over again, and these decisions are crucial for the relationship to continue. i started to regret ever since i broke up wif Simon. y i would want to agree wif him that we should give each other time to cool down?and i regretted not asking him for the reason for breaking up..

nx, i regret starting a relationship wif Alfred..y muz i agree to be his galfren?if we are still brother and sister. perhaps, he will be much happier..and me too..that is only if we noe that so many problems will occur...wondering if he will still want to start this relationship if he initially noe that i'm so troublesome??i dunno the answer..den as our relationship starts to grow, we face many other problems...i dunno wat are they..think he too..coz we always avoid all of them..i regretted making decisions to solve problems individually, and end up wif quarrels, cries, and sadness...y???i really dunno how to love a person...who can teach me?? all those bullshiting sayings that glorify the power of love and bla bla bla...wat help can they provide?hai~

nx issue...i noe many ppl will kill me, one will avoid me, and one will hate me and feel sad, after reading dis, well, i dun bother...i really dunno wat my mind is thinking..i do noe how to persuade huiyi to forget weiliang..but wat abt me?finally can understand y she always say she can't forget him, even after so long..hmm, i really thought that i had forgotten dis guy for so long..but den, why hav i been dreaming of him for so many nites,so many months?? i can't explain myself..i will dream of time when we are together, and will feel a sense of happiness when i wake up. why? i dunno..is this the reason that make me keep isolating myself from Alfred, emotionally?? Xianwei had tok to me before regarding dis issue, but i seriously dunno wat i shd do..so sorry..i really can't love Alfred wholeheartedly...y?? yesterday, alfred told me that he feel that i'm taking advantage of him..well, i've said this in my past blog..but he felt that the reasons that i wanna mit him are when i'm lonely, sad, and nid someone to tok to...i do feel the same...but, if i dun like him, y will i feel equally sad when i hurt him? y i would care so much about his health, studies, future..bla bla bla...are there any hidden conspiracy that are yet to be seen...hai~...


I hate myself for giving ppl trouble and unhappiness...i dun want anyone to be unhappy because of me...I'm very sorry!!! i dun ask for forgiveness, but i do hope u will accept my sorry..that is all i ask for...

Shocking news!!!

finally can manage to update my blog..haven been doing so for quite awhile..mainly due to the problems my comp received, like spyware, n updating failure...bla bla bla..well, anyway, i've finally managed to settle that problem le..hope there are no more problems to my comp.haha..

read a news juz now tokkin about the high failure rate for English in TK. really quite shock..and i seriously believe that there are some miscalculation in the marks..how can that be? being an ex-tksian,i would say that the English teachers there are mostly very good in teaching English..if not, i would not have do well...from an E8 in prelim to a B3 in 'O' levels..dun tell me my marks oso miscalculated..haha..*touchwood*..it is a very sad news, and i believe that all tk and ex-tk students will agree wif me that there is really something wrong with the calculation..and wat aggitated me is they only allow 15 students to re-check their marks...how can? wat about the rest? I dun think that such limitation is fair..

worst of all, English is one of the most important subjects for further education..and yet, such thing did happen..wat are these ppl going to do? perhaps, their dreams are shattered by the results they got..hope that there will be a proper analysis and a proper way to deal with this...however, why is it that only TK got such thing?....hmm, this is indeed very strange...well, shall not jump to any conclusion...let the next news report tell us the conclusion ba..

oh, my god...kena gastric pain again...hai~....