things that trigger my thought to stay in hostel for another yr..

i'm quite certain that i wanna quit staying hostel until yesterday...i got scolded by my parents for tokkin on phone..suddenly feel so restricted..have no freedom to do anything i wan..hostel has become a hiding ground for me--to avoid all the noise n restrictions...but will i ended up regretting again??haha..well, who noes..especially when it comes to making decisions for myself...i'm extremely terrible at it..

tokkin about regretting...i really dunno if i'm starting to regret over wat i've done for many things, especially in relationship..i've made wrong decisions over and over again, and these decisions are crucial for the relationship to continue. i started to regret ever since i broke up wif Simon. y i would want to agree wif him that we should give each other time to cool down?and i regretted not asking him for the reason for breaking up..

nx, i regret starting a relationship wif Alfred..y muz i agree to be his galfren?if we are still brother and sister. perhaps, he will be much happier..and me too..that is only if we noe that so many problems will occur...wondering if he will still want to start this relationship if he initially noe that i'm so troublesome??i dunno the answer..den as our relationship starts to grow, we face many other problems...i dunno wat are they..think he too..coz we always avoid all of them..i regretted making decisions to solve problems individually, and end up wif quarrels, cries, and sadness...y???i really dunno how to love a person...who can teach me?? all those bullshiting sayings that glorify the power of love and bla bla bla...wat help can they provide?hai~

nx issue...i noe many ppl will kill me, one will avoid me, and one will hate me and feel sad, after reading dis, well, i dun bother...i really dunno wat my mind is thinking..i do noe how to persuade huiyi to forget weiliang..but wat abt me?finally can understand y she always say she can't forget him, even after so long..hmm, i really thought that i had forgotten dis guy for so long..but den, why hav i been dreaming of him for so many nites,so many months?? i can't explain myself..i will dream of time when we are together, and will feel a sense of happiness when i wake up. why? i dunno..is this the reason that make me keep isolating myself from Alfred, emotionally?? Xianwei had tok to me before regarding dis issue, but i seriously dunno wat i shd do..so sorry..i really can't love Alfred wholeheartedly...y?? yesterday, alfred told me that he feel that i'm taking advantage of him..well, i've said this in my past blog..but he felt that the reasons that i wanna mit him are when i'm lonely, sad, and nid someone to tok to...i do feel the same...but, if i dun like him, y will i feel equally sad when i hurt him? y i would care so much about his health, studies, future..bla bla bla...are there any hidden conspiracy that are yet to be seen...hai~...


I hate myself for giving ppl trouble and unhappiness...i dun want anyone to be unhappy because of me...I'm very sorry!!! i dun ask for forgiveness, but i do hope u will accept my sorry..that is all i ask for...