what are frenz for?

my brain is so cramped up with things...i getting my results tomorrow, so scared..and of cuz, i think i'm gonna fail anyway...haha...but i really can't take the blow, i think..anyway, i will be going over to alfred's hse again...yar..to check my results...

looks like my life is revolving around my work, my family and alfred oni...sigh~...wat are frenz for?? i dunno le...dun ask me why...but seriously speakin, i juz feel like isolate myself from all my frenz..perhaps is to avoid alot of things ba....what has my life become?? i've tot that i'm living a wonderful life, yar...i tot oni....the fact is actually the reverse...frenz are not forever,they come and go with time...true frenz are indeed extremely hard to seek...and one may not even find one in a life's time...hai~

still remember in sec days, i went all out to get myself recognised by my frenz...accompany them home, and taking risks to go out with them and end up being scolded when i reach home...trying to understand what all those frenz are thinking and make sure i'm able to adapt to it...sigh~...u may ask,"why must u do so much to juz get frenz? i tot frenz will come by itself?"

haha...such a naive tot of mine...yar...why?? but what else can i do? being so low profiled wun gain me anything...yar..do u think my group of frenz juz come lidat?? no way! i'm really stupid..coz i dun even noe how to make frenz...yar..but to me, to get frenz, u have to make them gain ur trust, and to do things that they like...well, that's how i define...so i carried on with my way till now..i THOUGHT that i'm right, but...haha...no, obviously...i'm a failure, i noe..

i'm too tired to bother anyway....to salvage the frenship is something that i think it is rather impossible for me to do, coz i can't accept reality...back to the question, "why can't people be like the past? why people have to change?"the answer is obvious, but i juz can't accept it...can't...
i nid much assistance, i supposed...haha..leave me alone ba...i hope everything will be back to norm...i want to be optimistic, but i can't...i can't because i dun have the signal back that i'm in their hearts anymore...*sob sob*...no matter wad, i will still have my smiley face on everyday...no matter wat happen to me, i will still have to carry on with my life...yar...

when can i start scolding ppl and let ppl criticise me back??? i really hope for one of dese days to come..haha..*crazy* coz i think that is the oni time when i noe how bad i am, and what i have to change...and that is the oni time when our frenships have no obstacles or misunderstandings..yar, how i wish...but one condition, the other party has to also have the same mentality as me...

ok, i'm tired..too tired to mention all these again...to my "bestest" frenz out there...i'm sorrie that i've let u all down...i juz nid time to get away with all the loads that are in my mind...i may lose my momentum for anything now, but i'm sure i can catch up soon.... =)