Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts

Friday, March 30, 2007

Is there some problem with the NIE system?

I realise that some teachers that came out from NIE are really not up to standard, not in terms of their knowledge, but in terms of their characters, their way of handling things, etc.
Heard from many incidents that prove statement right.

1st case:
There is this NIE graduate who loves to take advantage of the female teachers in the particular school. What a joke! I suggest that before these NIE graduates come out, they should go through a series of personality tests, interviews, etc, before they can come out to be a teacher. COZ I believe that a teacher should have both, IQ and EQ.

2nd case:
some senior teachers do not know how to handle things/situations well. I don't know if they come school to 混日子 and get their salary or what. They simply throw all the work to the students when they are the teachers-in-charge, when the students are only a Secondary school student. what's worse is, there is this particular teacher who is a teacher-in-charge of a CCA heard the so-called news that speak badly about that student who did so much for the CCA, and scolded that student without even hearing his/her explanation. In the first place, it's the teacher's job to do most of the work, and the student is already doing it for her without even saying a word, and yet, she scolded the student saying that she did not do anything, just because she heard the news from somewhere...*clap clap clap*
if this is really what an educator is supposed to do, is there still hope for our educational system?Does she know how hurting her WORDS can be even if they weren't vulgarities?
DID she even thought of the consequences after the scolding?
the student was very hurt by her words, and the cheerful character is lost because of this teacher.

I may not be as smart as those teachers out there, but since I am able to judge things from my eyes, why can't those teachers, who are WISER. EVERYTHING THAT YOU SAY, EVERY ACTION THAT YOU DO, WILL AFFECT A CHILD'S EMOTION, UPBRINGING, ETC. Shouldn't they know that since day one?

case 3:
Teachers look down on the relieve teachers.... *sarcastic smile*
I have heard of this, teachers calling students to go out of the class for submission of work when there is a lesson actually going on, taught by a relieve teacher. Doesn't that teacher know the word RESPECT? So what if you are a full-time teacher, and the other is a relieve teacher? You don't have the right to summon almost the whole class out when a lesson is actually going on.

Some teachers treat other teachers in a friendly manner, but treating the relieve teachers as if they are transparent, and the word "MANNERS" comes in. What's wrong with giving a friendly smile to the relieve teachers? will that make you lose something? your pride? It's not some isolated cases, but it's really everytime. Well, maybe it's due to poor upbringing.


of course there are more cases that it will be tiring to mention...
I'm just worried about the education system if they are to be handled by these type of quality...
Perhaps they should set up a department for Quality Control too...haha...

Monday, March 26, 2007

A bad day.

got scolded by my mum early in the morning at 6am..

cursing me, insulting me...all in front of my sisters...
i was woke up by her noise, and couldn't get back to sleep again.
Did i do anything wrong this time?
to my whole family, yes, i'm always wrong...
it is a WRONG to get stuff for yourself. I didn't spend my $ like nobody's business, like many people out there. I think so much before I buy...so much that I'm sick of it...
i get things only when it is really cheap, and necessary..
branded good?haha...well, what is branded stuff then..if I really get them, perhaps my bank account would have already depleted long ago..
is that a wrong?
my sis could get anything from a word of mouth...me? I spend my own money...not even theirs, why should they bother? My "good" relationship with my family is the result of my mum's attitude to me..All thanks to her.

Now you see why I don't stand any position at home, even my sisters don't respect me.
I'm damn sick of explaining to them about what i'm thinking, coz there is simply NO POINT.
fine, it's all for my own good...yar, I spent too much..maybe...it's wrong to spend anything on yourself only..must always think of them..it's ok if you spend hundred over bucks if it is ONLY for them, but wrong, if it is on yourself. What's agitated me is, I dun even spend that much on myself..
Well, I learnt my lesson..
If so, then don't use the Internet wireless...don't use the laser printer...don't use my ez-link card..don't wear my clothes...don't wear my shoes...don't touch anything that I pay!!!
But i'm not so mean...
I dun mind to spend $ to get things for the family, and I don't even ask for the $ back...
why should they control my own spending, which is nothing compared to what i've given them?
shouldn't i be treated with a slight respect in front of my sisters?

Well, that's not all.
It is really bad to get scolded early in the morning, though not the first time...
and it will affect my whole day's mood and perhaps, my luck too..
I failed my quiz today...it's depressing..I studied so much, and yet I failed..
But well, a good thing is, it's over.

now, I have to start preparing my speech for the rehearsal later...
I'm sick with my life...sigh~
hardwork doesn't play an important role now, coz it doesn't even reciprocate..
alright, stop all the moans and get started..

*forced a smile on my face*

Friday, January 05, 2007

a big blow.

the fear came...

what's wrong with her? i mean, what's wrong with me?

为什么她总是要争对我?
我为这个家所做的一切,她怎么永远也看不到。
在我的记忆里,她对我的关怀备至只停留在很久、很久以前。。。
她说我疑心病太重,但她有没有想过这是谁造成的。。
念中学以后,她是怎样对待我的。。。
她叫我起床时,不是打,就是骂。。。那种被惊醒的滋味谁会知?到现在,只要他一说话,我就会醒来。。只要她一骂人,我就会认为是我的错。
在朋友面前给我一个耳光,让我难堪。。最令我生气的事,她打我根本不是因为我做错。
总是以为我能知道她要的是什么。。我不想让她失望,所以她吩咐什么,我就做,但她总是不满足。
我一不做事,她就会骂我。。。
我真的很恨她。。从中学时期就开始问自己,这是我的家吗?

我忍,她毕竟是我的妈妈。。
但是内心深处,我已告诉自己,我要离开这里。
至今,我还是会把事情做好,还是会依照她的吩咐去做。。。
我不需要她的疼爱,只求她不要再骂我了。
等时机一到,我一定会走。。。一定会。。。

我本不想说这一切,但是我真的很辛苦。。。
我不是要博取同情,只想把我的痛苦找一个地方发泄。。
我没把我自己说得很惨,我只是在把我内心所要说而没法说出来的话写了下来。。
我很想乐观的看我的生活,很可惜,我太笨,什么都看不到。。

现在,没人会跟我说话。。妹妹们都站在我妈那一边。。
当然,她们是我妈的宝贝女儿,不会有这种待遇。。。
我能离开吗?我真的很想走。。。
还有多久?

我到底做错了什么?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Let me leave this place...

a place that i dread to go after work/school everyday...
a place where i feel so stressed...
a place where i must be responsible of anything...
a place where all the blames will be on me, even if i never do anything wrong...

let me leave this place...
i really had enough....how long do i still need to wait?
i'm afraid that i can't wait till that day...before i realise, insanity sets...


ps: i'm taking a half-day leave tomorrow...

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

quote of the day

"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go."

a quote of the day..
how true..
more like trying to make myself feel better... =)

i'm used to the word "sorrow"..
smile from my heart has become a stranger to me..
someone has told me this before,"in every stage of your life, you will meet different people. While making new friends, you, at the same time, will lose the old ones...it's part and parcel of life, so just treasure those that are still standing by you.."

familiar?

yup, this question has arisen again..but then, now, i'm used to it..
to be alone again..with my boi, the only one that never fails to be there..
it's not a bad thing, rite?

wasn't happy the whole day today..
kept thinking of what i've been doing for these years..
why are the friends around me decreasing in number?
i dunno too..
well, as long as they are more comfortable that way, then let it be...


ps: i've finally gotten my "peace" book back..i miss it..and reading back for the past two yrs plus, i find that we've matured, but then, i'm keeping more and more things to myself..sigh~

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

i need to learn to express myself better

sorry for the disruption caused yesterday night...
i think i really have some problem with my style of communication...
i noe you've been very patient with me...
at times, i may choose not to talk as i dun see the point of telling you...
i dunno that every word, every sentence, every thought mean so much to you...
actually, i've tried very hard to communicate with you..i tried my best to let you know how i feel...
maybe it's still not enough...
it's stressful to change my way of communicating, but i will try, for your sake...
let me do the talking one day k... =)


ps: my whole family is driving me crazy...tell me how to make me change my attitude towards them? i wanna leave them asap...yes, my parents failed to teach us, as adults, well...practice of favouritism is indeed not a good choice..but, they will never understand...

Monday, July 31, 2006

from now on, i shall keep my mouth shut!!!

Grace's theory: it's better to have your absence felt than your presence not felt... =)

i get what she mean...

so, yar, just dun speak in any case...

Saturday, July 29, 2006

what the world has become?

people nowadays are becoming bo liao and crazy.
yanxin received criticisms frm unknown person, and she still mentioned her school..such a disgrace, man.
why people like to scold others through blogs, making my sister so sad over it. i personally experienced it before, and i can understand how it feels like. they are just a bunch of sickening people who laugh at other people's wounds..well, i wun let this matter off..i wun let anyone hurt my sisters, even though they may be irritating at times...hehe...no lar, on a serious tone, please think twice when u wanna bad-mouth peopl in their online diary. dun think that hiding behind ur stupid little nickname, you are able to get away with it, and in the first place, are you reprimanding the right person? why should you scold when you didn't even clarify who you are? and what is worse is, she scolds everyone who defend my sis..damn her, man..never see who i am, dare to agitate me..i will make her two times more depressed than my sister...i wun let this matter rest. a lesson to her: dun mess with crazy woman like me...muahahaha...

what the world has become? people are becoming sick...mentally...they like to seek trouble, putting people in difficult positions...for instance, yanning received calls from those chat lines saying that someone give them her name and phone number...what a joke..why people are becoming so childish? i just dun understand..whatever it is, I WUN LET THIS MATTER REST SO EASILY, never...You have to pay for the hurt you have done to my sister...

i may sound evil, i am...
i can be kind if you are kind to me...but i can turn extremely nasty if i want to..
dun test my patience...
this is the least i can do for my sister...yup...
well, this is the power, strength, wateva, of our relationships...

Saturday, July 15, 2006

can't be bothered

what should i write in my log book?
i simply have no mood to write anything in it..but it's just a keep track on what i've been doing during my IA..hmm..
whateva lar..i'm going to get some stuff to eat...
yup...maybe i'll turn into a glutton..
whateva..
i just can't be bothered...why should i care so much?
others' opinions dun really matter to me..
i hate boi..he is really a 缩头乌龟..
he just dun face problems...damn it..

shall not mention him here, will oni contaminate my blog..
well, i'm not treated well, neither am i ill-treated by him...i'm just totally being neglected.
he may be angry after reading this, but why shall i care? i just can't be bothered...
shall give myself a thorough break..i dun wanna care about anything, at least, at the present moment...
without his presence, i can still enjoy my life, my way...

alrite, enuf of complaints...
maybe i'll be better tomorrow..
maybe i'll still be the same...
i dunno and i totally can't be bothered!

i'm not feeling good

i can't find my window XP cd to reformat my comp!!!!
i can't go out on saturdays...coz someone is so damn busy!!!
when people are enjoying their saturdays and sundays, i'm stuck at home..
pathetic
why?
coz my timetable just can't compromise with his, and i have to do my best to suit him, do it his way.
i'm sick and tired of all these..
i need to get some fresh air before i go mad..

and yup, i change my blog skin again..well, dis will hopefully last for quite some time ba..
i get bored easily with the skins...
so just bear with it.. =)

and now, i have to go down for my lunch...
buaiiiii...