that feeling has arisen again.

blogging seems to trigger my brain to think more and more, and it's kinda fun, in some sense...maybe that explains why i've got so many posts just within these few days...

That feeling has arisen again -- FEAR.

what am i fearing of?
i can't figure it out. it's an uncomfortable feeling that will come suddenly and leave stealthily..
think i'm controlled by my haywired mood swings again..
the feeling of helplessness...
it makes me suffocate at times. trying to find ways to breathe better and deeper, but it doesn't seem to work.
pessimism...
it has worsened my feeling of helplessness. there seems to be no cure for it, or should i say, there is no chance for me to be optimistic.

what is going on this time round?
my heart is weakening. i can't afford to have another round of such feeling. my strong mind is withering.

...back to isolation state...