3rd post of the day

i'm so disheartened...

reasons:
i've done so much for my family, but it doesn't reciprocate. i'm always taken for granted..i hate my life..it's not the first time i hate it anyway..
maybe i take things too hard..maybe i put in too much effort in making myself become recognised by my sisters n parents..or maybe i'm really very extra..
i spare a thot for them, but they??
they always think that i dun care abt the family at all...but the truth??
perhaps, i'm really a failure..
i dun hav a happy family...
i live in a state of fear all the time, coz their mood swings all the time..
anyway, i've had enough of all these...
why am i the only one that take my parents' comments so seriously??
why am i the only one that is so afraid of being scolded by my parents??
why am i the only one that nids to understand about everyone's situation??
why??
coz i'm the eldest??
everyone plays a part in the family, i thought..but i experienced self-centeredness and bo chap attitude...wat a let down..

about alfred...
he is very nice to me..
but i'm always scared..
i dun wish to go to his house frequently, coz i dun wanna see his parents..
i dun want to see how well his parents treat him..
i dun want to compare myself with him..coz it makes me feel worse
i dun want any sympathy from him..
but....
i dun dare to say all these..
coz i dun wanna hurt him..
i dun wanna be a spoilt brad..
i want the independent me in the past...
i dun want to be tied down..

alrite, enough of saying...
scold me if you like..
criticise me if you want...
laugh at my bloody life..
and as if i even bother to care...

i'm not here to say how pitiful i am..
i juz want u ppl out there to hear from me..
coz these are things that i wun mention to anyone...
i really dunno how to phrase my words...
i even run out of words to say everytime...
so, i decide to keep quiet..
and silence is my way to speak..

my route of life is no fun...and i'm tired...but, i'll still have to hang it there...till the day i get my freedom...

alrite, i shall go study le..
if not i will get scolded by alfred again.. :(