stress starts to build up..

exams coming..exactly one week later..my low-morale thingie starts to build up again....i juz can't settle down and study...sigh~....
help me!!!

got alot of things to say...how should i start??

29 Oct 2005 (saturday)
i accompanied alfred to go have his dental checkup...at hougang green...hmm..
i remembered i've been there once...and after 2yrs, i'm back again...with a different person..haha..anyway, i waited for him for dunno how long...till i fell asleep..
den he came out haolian-ing his white teeth..kip putting on that grin...*disgusted*..haha..
weird thing is, we ate our lunch after his appointment...well, there goes his superclean teeth.. =)
he bought a loreal toner frm Watson...i recommended him..haha..coz he is SUPER vain, say wanna take good care of his image..bla bla bla~
worse than me...is he?? ahem...

well, he was very silly...want me to help him look for furniture for his office without showing me how it is like..how am i gonna noe how "big" his office is rite??

so, we travelled all the way frm hougang to clarke quay to take a look at his soontobe office..
that day was horribly hot..i almost suffer from sun stroke..serious...ok back..that place was quite pleasant..i like the toilet, coz it's clean..haha..oopz~
den we walked all over the place...he showed me the gonna-collapsed shophouse that was extremely cheap..it is really cmi...
saw a weird scene at a building...there was a signboard showing no motorbike parking..and there underneath the sign, there is a whole stretch of bikes...haha...i wanna take a pic of it, but alfred said dun want as later kenna beaten up..ok lor...nvm..
before we left, we went to a nearby coffeeshop to grab a cold drink, coz i buay tahan already..hehe..quite ex thou...

then, i was supposed to accompany him to look for furniture...but think he is too tired, so we went to his house, so that he can slp...how thoughtful of me...
when we reached his house, he, the super vain boy, wanted to try the toner..goodness me..
so he sat down there, i helped him wash his dirty face and apply the toner.. =)
lazy him..
and then, he went to sleep...leave me alone to play his comp..haha..
then the rest of the day, dun nid to say le...coz nothing much too...

yesterday
nothing much...i stayed at home the whole day to buy lunch and mop floor...
that's all...
then, i started with my revision...finally!
alfred called me at nite to chat with me...before he went to sleep..
a boring day though~

today
gonna continue with my revision...
i dun wanna fail...
so muz strive hard...haha...
i nid to get the momentum to study...how???
nothing really gets into my head..though i juz had that test last week on this module..
hmm, watever it is, jiayou ba...

alfred is in camp today...he will come out soon!!! =)


7 days left...

sunshine after rain...

my mood is back to normal again...hmm, it seems to fluctuate alot recently..anyway, juz hope that everything will be fine... =)

juz finished exercising... *perspiring*
but it's cool..haha..i get to stay healthy leh...
gonna bathe soon...
den muz start to study le...sigh~

got nothing much to write too, so i shall end here...

happy mugging~ =)


10 days left...

the small little world of mine

after i heard what yanning told me yesterday, i feel like taking part too...
to take care of the sick and give them the best i can give for their last journey...i would want to experience these things as i dun wanna be stuck in this myopic world of mine..perhaps, it will help me to grow internally...i want more perspectives in my life..also, i want to give a thorough change to my immature and selfish thots..yup..and i believe, i can learn more things there...hmmm...though there will be some emotional obstacles when seeing them leave you one by one, i juz wanna train my emotions, to make myself a stronger person...

maybe after exam i will go there and have an interview?? dunno...see how first...

juz finished copying the solution frm the "edventure" site..my eyes are tired..haha..you may ask why i dun wanna print them...good question...
coz if i print i will take a longer time than i copy...hehe...well, u noe my lazy printer...yar...
i wun nid to go back to sch until the week after next...which is when my exams start...sigh~
so, meanwhile, study hard...dun slack!!! (to remind myself)

i had a half-boiled egg for breakfast, prepared by my mum..quite shock (negative connotation) actually, coz i thot the news keep telling us to eat totally cooked eggs and meat...and here my mum prepared such "watery" breakfast...hmm...i ate in fear...haha..but, i still finished it..
*pray hard that nothing goes wrong within me*

alfred apologised to me dis morning...for something that i dun wish to mention...
dunno why, i am not convinced..maybe it's because both of us really had a bad day yesterday...so bad mood and say wrong things..and bla bla bla...
wateva it is, i dun wish to think of him,
i dun wanna care for him,
i dun wish to msg him,
i dun wish to tok to him......
AT THE PRESENT MOMENT...

i nid a break..i'm suffocating in this small little world of mine...family probs...alfred's probs...school probs...all came up together hand-in-hand..
sometimes i really feel like leaving this world, juz like that...but i'm not so desperate to die yet...
and i dun wish to hav this mentality...
so, that's why i wanna go do voluntary work...to make myself understand better...to do some good deeds...to give my best in something i can manage...with my little tinnie-winnie pair of hands...i noe i can...i believe i can...
to let me cool down ba...

yup, shall not dampen everyone's mood..haha..
it's thursday...it's a school day for most people rite?
jiayou in your studies k...
i will jiayou too!!! =)

11 days left

wat title should i put?? *scratch head*

here goes the story:

i knew a friend that was so stupid that.......

she called me to get my phone number.

she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate."

she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

she tried to drown a fish.

she thought a quarterback was a refund.

she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

she tripped over a cordless phone.

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

she studied for a blood test.

she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats

when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home,she moved.

when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she
turned around and went home..

hope u guys like it...

thank god that i'm able to finish my comp test on time...phew~
used the call by reference mode...which i'm not so clear about...
btw, remember the "*" sign??? eg. void blaahhh(double*, double);
that is call by reference...haha..shall not hao lian my limited knowledge about computing...
but i definitely enjoy having this lesson again...haha..coz i'm able to learn more things..thanx to "the great", Mr Hey...hehe..even the name oso so farnie...yup..and the helpful classmates.. =)
too bad today is the last lesson...*pout*...but i didn't mean i want to "buang" this module again arh..hehe..

juz watched 《长恨歌》...
not a bad movie...but not worth going cinema to watch..haha..coz i think there is no climax at all..and the ending abit farnie...
the whole movie revolves around this gal called qi-something...i forget her name le...by 郑秀文..den it talks about the guys that she loved, and how suay she is in relationship...bla bla bla...
shall not say much...go watch if u are really free k... =)

dear is busy today...very busy...
i dun have much things to say about him..hehe...
coz he dun have time for me...how sad...
but, nvm...
i'm accompanying him to dental appointment dis saturday...he insisted..
bo bian, go lor...

yanning oni got one S-paper..for chemistry...as for Maths, still pending...
quite happy for her... =)
her frenz and she went for an interview today for voluntary work at the Assisi Home & Hospice...dunno how izit?
i helped her to draw out the map of that area yesterday...haha...thanx to my great drawing skills..
*hao lian again*
hope she wun lose her way... =)
and her attachment, dunno whether approved anot....they went to TTS hospital..hope they can get in...*pray pray*

ok, nothing to squeeze out anymore...
tata!

12 days left.

teach me computing!!!

who noes how to use numeric arrays, user-defined functions, disk i/o???

*headache*

struggling with those topics...sigh~
oh yah, must start to countdown to exams le...
though i noe many ppl will hate dis..hehe...bo bian, i nid to remind myself...

envy ppl with no exams...haha

i'm sick of studying...no motivation at all...
drained...damaged...gone~

"Oei!! wake up lar...bloody hell, still laze around..."

i replied, "Orh, paiseh.."

*dragging my heavy feet to my study desk*

wrote down the below in my organiser:

The battle starts on 7 Nov 2005...sounded familiar..hmm...

13 days left...

back to
STUDY..STUDy....STUdy......STudy........Study..........study.....
*doze off*

finally can take a short break

a series of tests are over...and left with computing...=)
went to school dis afternoon juz for one hr of test, which i did it in half an hour coz i dunno how to do. den travel all the way from ntu back home...thank god, there is felicia there to keep me company, though it's oni a short one..haha..
quite sad with today's test, coz i think i did not do well..*sigh*
i thot this quiz will be easy as there are mcqs and short-structured qns...but..but...the mcqs aren't those normal 4-choose-one answer...it's circle-all-possible-answers type..
WTH..
flung...flung...flung...

btw, i juz realised that i can't take my inter-sem course dis coming hols..thanx to those reservists, who can't have any inter-sem during dec hols. muz be fair mah.
so, i have to drag till nx special sem...meaning, i can't hav any job nx nx hols..sigh~
i hate it...no income...sianz..
but that means dis dec i can enjoy abit??
can go chalet...can go bbq...can attend dnd??? *giggle*

alrite, alfred is staying in today...hmph~
so bored...but at least i can focus ma...oopz!
nid to study computing le...and do some trialnerror stuff..hehe..
that's how i learn frm it...not sure about u guys..

ps: Alfred, remb to return your LIBRARY BOOKS k... =)

i'm pissed with myself..

i'm searching for the card that alfred bought for me during my bdae...but i seriously can't recall where i've put it..

damn brain...

i'm v sad...and i noe alfred will be very sad too, coz it's his efforts!!!!
where is it???
i'm so pissed off with myself...

*bang my head into the wall*

juz done my online quiz

quite silly of me to study so much for that quiz after i realised that it is all common sense...but dun think i will do well, coz i dun have much common sense..haha..
dun nid to go to school today...hehe..
stayed at home the whole morning to study for this quiz, and realised that it doesn't pay off..
anyway, it's done!!! *yipee*

gonna prepare for the upcoming tests...physics, maths, MS2004...and computing..
all cramped up together...how dead i can be...
juz try my best ba..if really can't do well...dun blame me... ;)

i dun feel like to study at home...wanna go BK, Mac, or wherever to study other than home..coz i tend to get distracted easily at home...haha..
where should i go den...hmm...

alfred wun be free today ba...i think so..
so maybe i wun be able to see him today...*numb numb*
anyway, he found an office...haven pay for the rent yet...coz he is still discussing with andrew..
but hope it really turns out to be a gd one... =)

a brain-wrecking day for me...
hope my brain can tahan..haha..
*drink chicken essence...dope brain-nourishing tablets...*
anyway, i wanna complete my study by dis sunday..hope i can, since i have the mood to do so now..haha..
who wanna acc me to study???

*a moment of silence*

nvm, i shall do it alone... =)
jiayou!!

what's wrong with her?

my youngest sister dun seem to listen to anyone in the family...
what's wrong with her?
she is very rebellious all the time..and it's becoming worse now...
she juz dunno how to differentiate the good from the bad...
ask her to do homework, she slps..
ask her to wake up, that's the worst part..we can call her for hours, and she still slps..
ask her to go bathe, she would rather sticks her eyeballs to the tv..
ask her to hav her meal, she takes years to move..
and all she says is, "你们很烦啦！一直吵。。”

when she did badly for her tests or exams, she will cry...
cry for wat, she gets wat she sows...
dun study, serve her rite with her damn results..

i'm really angry and disheartened...
my family too...
juz ignore her and let her be...
she wanna continue to rot, go ahead...
we are all pissed...
dun blame us, it's the cause of her own actions...
what's wrong with her?

no longer adorable...no longer fun-loving..
sigh~
i gave up...

*slam books on the table*

a phonecall..

my maths quiz is cancelled today as our tutor was sick...hooray!!
no, not hooray, that means nx week i'll have loads of tests coming...sigh~

was surprised that koon kiat messaged me to ask if he can call me...
i wanted to say no...but kind enuf of me, i say, "orh, ok lor."
den he called and asked if i can join back ntu choir...
eh, that sounds weird..i was being scolded like dunno what, and now, ask me back??
of course i rejected..
well, he said that nx year choir is going for choir olympic, and there are not enuf gals...(muz be because of ms lim's fault..*giggle*)
so they desperately need gals back..
i was sort of convinced, but den it is nx jul...two pathetic weeks before sch reopens..
tolong lar, i nid more than two weeks to get settled down leh...
so eventually, i rejected...
sorrie koon kiat..bo bian..
i think he can understand too, coz it nids lotsa commitments..
want me to forgo my study for choir??? no way...
and with ms lim there....even more determined to reject...haha...
ok, i'm evil.

tomorrow alfred is not coming out...*pout lips*

start to miss my friends...hehe...
realised that i've not been tokkin to them for quite some time...
how are they??
where have they gone??
do they still remember me??
*ponder ponder*

hope to see them soon...
after exam?? contact me k... =)

btw,
Happy Birthday Charmaine!! =)

pre-exam syndrome...

在这无奈又无助的阶段，我失去了做人的意义。。开始不明白为何我要做这一切的一切。。明明不想走这条路，但还是走了。。
在这条漫长的道路上，我看见了人生百态。。善与恶之间所存在的东西。。那就是人类。。
想起幼儿的我们，是多么的单纯可爱。。再看看现在的我们，是如此的彷徨无助。。
为了隐藏我们内心的彷徨、无助，我们戴上了虚伪的面具。。
多可笑。。
书本里常写下满口的道德仁义的话，那都是不切实际的。
人们总以为善待别人就能够得到好的回报，但事实并不如此。
人心险恶。。。
为何要活得如此的可悲可笑？
难道只有竞争才是我们生存的价值吗？

我不明白。。。
我也不想懂。。。
人们会说：“生活就是如此嘛！”

人不会因为你的不开心而停下来为你分担。。
会慰问的，已经算是很难得的了。。
没办法，谁叫我也是人啊。。
既然是人，七情六欲是难免不了的。。
所以，好好的活下去吧。。
总会找到生存的意义的。。

考试要来了，在压力下，我写了一大堆的废话。。
请多原谅！！ =)

weekends are always short

had a really fun and happy day today..
alfred arrived at our house downstairs rather early today...
so, no choice, he had to wait for the two gals upstairs to finish preparing their stuffs before they head for ECP...whee~
and then, it's our bus journey to VJC...eh, no...is ECP..haha

we walked quite awhile...and today is VJC's open house, so it is especially crowded there...
and also, it means that yanning can't join us for the outing. =(
we saw flying fox..eh, not the real one...but the human one..lolz..and we continued our walk to ECP...

it is very sunny today...we were easily dehydrated...drank lotsa water, but dun seem to quench our thirst..so we drink and drink, perspire and perspire...
alfred and i didn't blade, coz i dun wanna malu, and i think i dun wanna waste time and money too...so we cycled...while yanxin bladed, which she regretted eventually..haha...
ok, back to me and alfred..
we were supposed to cycle on the two-seater bicycle...but, too bad, our skills aren't that good and our coordination sux..haha...so we had separate ones lor...
of course, cycle will be much faster than blading, frm my sis's skill lar...
so, we had to wait for her after a short distance we travelled...
so it's a cycle and stop...cycle and stop thingy... =)

it's fun...yeah..
den we met up with yanning for dinner..since she was nearby.
had fish n co at parkway....again!!!
haha...but it was an enjoyable one...however, i think our volume is the loudest there...oopz~
but who cares...we were happy leh...
after dinner, it's time to go home...i mean, it's time for my two sisters to go home...
we sent them home, and we continued with our day (nite??)..

i decide to go tampines, as i intended to send him till there and we go our "separate ways"..haha..
but we ended up buying his daily essential stuff..and he wanted to send me home coz of a reason...i dun wanna say *blush*
he made me cry three four five six times throughout the trip..not because he bully me, but he made me soooOOO touch..
i dunno how to say, i dunno if i'm too emotional or wad...his words touched me right to the bottom of my heart...*sniff sniff*
at that moment, i told god, "please dun let him leave me...i really dun wanna lose him.." he is far too nice to me...always knock kindness into me...it's a dunno-how-to-say thing...his good-heartedness is really inside him..not act-act thingy..is he real??(i will always ask myself this question) haha..for god sake, he is real, of course...but at that moment, i juz can't believe wat i saw is true...

happiness in me...me in happiness...

he has to book in tmr...sigh~
i noe i will miss him, but i can't show it...i dun want him to worry about me...and i have other things to worry about too (studies...studies...studies)
alright...hope he has a safe journey home...so late le, still haven msg me..*worried*
ok, i nid to go bathe now...

nitez~

ps: thanx andrew for giving alfred a lift to my hse... =)

Song of the week...

《挥着翅膀的女孩》

歌手：容祖儿 专辑：我的骄傲

当我还是一个懵懂的女孩
遇到爱 不懂爱 从过去 到现在
直到他也离开 留我在云海徘徊
明白没人能取代 他曾给我的信赖
See Me Fly
I'm Proud To Fly Up High
不能一直依赖 别人给我拥戴
Believe Me I Can Fly
I Am Singing In The Sky
就算风雨覆盖 我也不怕重来
我已不是那个懵懂的女孩
遇到爱 用力爱 仍信 真爱
风雨来 不避开 谦虚把头低下来
像沙鸥来去天地 只为寻一个奇迹
See Me Fly
I'm Proud To Fly Up High
生命已经打开 我要你总精彩
Believe Me I Can Fly
I Am Singing In The Sky
你曾经对我说 做勇敢的女孩
我盼有一天能和你相见
骄傲的对着天空说
世界乘你兜风
Let Me Fly
I'm proud that I can fly
生命已经打开 我要你总精彩
Believe Me I Can Fly
I Am Singing In The Sky
你曾经对我说 做勇敢的女孩
我不会孤单 因为你都在

i love this song so much..dunno why...maybe it sings out my feelings... =)
enjoy!

happy

yup yup...very happy today..hehe..
though i dun have ez-link card with me, i'm able to travel to bugis and suntec...
saw many people today...lazy to list them down..haha..
enjoyed my dinner with alfred..
hey, it's a very last minute thingy..coz he wanna apologise..oopz~
nvm, shall not say it out...anyway, we met somewhere nearby oni, coz i can't travel far too..
went sakae..and surprised to see a huge crowd there...
i was actually v full, but i ended up eating slightly more than alfred..haha..
meaning i will grow fat very soon!!! anyway, i'm fat..nvm..
we tok alot about his biz..it doesn't seem well...*worried*
he nids lending ears...because he is too troubled...
i was thinking of ways to help too...but have flaws..

*praying for his smooth-sailing in everything*

den, as usual, he sent me home...haha..
when i reached home, the first thing i do was to play MSN hexic with my sister...one using comp and the other using lappie..hehe..juz ended..
can see how long i've spent staring at my comp.. (@_@) <= my eyes now..
eyes now very tired...
ok, my family is sleeping now...
i nid to go too...
nitez everyone!

ps: tmr will be a day blading at ecp...hooray....but tests will follow up nx...sigh~

cracking brain

after trying to solve the drawing graph problem of this stupid lab report, i finally understand and drew it...hehe..
not that i wanna find fault or wad, i think it is really not fair...expt 7's formal report is far too difficult lor..but lucky i got some sources of help..hehe..
not gonna do le, leave the rest for tomorrow ba, coz my sister wanna sleep and she is giving me that quick-off-ur-comp face..

tmr is rather bo liao..i am going to school just for one lecture...from 11.30am to 12.30pm...den, that's all...quite stupid...coz i nid 1hr to travel to school, and 1hr to travel back home...what the hell!!!
i spent more time on transport than in sch??!!?! *grumble*
but no sinful thoughts, meaning no ponning...no lazing around...all i nid is to be attentive in that pathetic 1hr-lect..yup yup..

alfred...alfred...alfred...
nothing much to tok about him today, also because i'm in a rush..
and i nid to put his name here so that he wun say i forget to mention him.. =x
tmr he is out!!! yeah!

ok ok, i really nid to go now...
*yawn*

my last lab work

so happy today.
firstly, it is my last lab work..den, me and my lab-mates were chit-chatting all the way..haha..su hui and i were busy plotting graph, and plot till our eyeballs are going crazy..
huileng and joanne did the calculation and stuff...yeah...分工合作..wonderful wonderful..

*clapping hands*

nx, alfred has finally updated his blog..haha...tok so much sense, make me so touch..*sob sob*
shall not say much about it...

ok, i nid to do some sai-gang liao...
stupid meimei(s), all dun dare to on the tv..and want me to go be the scapegoat...ok, fine..i go on, u two dun come out and watch....*bleah*

headache

i hate formal report...i hate it...i hate it...I HATE IT!!!

i'm struggling to understand what the hell it is all about..and of course, i'm facing great difficulty...can't find infomations about it..*pengz*

i nid some medicine to kill my headache...


*doping tablets*


alrite, stop rubbishing...continue to jiayou!!


*dragging my feet*

going home early today..

dun ask me why i'm going home early today...haha..btw, i'm still in LWN lib k..
i'm being demanded to buy two "Old Chang kee's" curry puffs home for my two "wonderful" sisters...who are so "kind" to me..always "spare a thought" for me...hahaha

well, i'm going off soon...to complete my tutorials, lab reports...and as many revisions as possible..
this is the first monday that i love most..haha.. =)
anyway, going home early doesn't mean much...but going home early and can see my two "super-cute" sisters means alot alot...hohoho..
why are they home at this hour???
reason is simple, it is still during the exam period, but both of them have finished theirs...
so rot at home lor...
and still playing msn hexic with their friends and ignore my conversation...(thanx huh)
and poor poor poor me...*giggle*

alrite, i nid to go le..if not my sisters will start whining again... =x

D.R.E.A.M.S

dug out something that i've written during my secondary school days while i was trying to arrange my desk. can't really believe that i've wrote a series of meaningful phrases..perhaps they are copied from a book or something..too bad i can't really remember where i got these from...hehe..

Most people search high and wide for the keys to success. If they only knew, the key to their dreams lies within...

D.R.E.A.M.S

D is for desire, discipline and dedication.
R is for realisation and responsibility.
E is for enthusiasm and energetic.
A is for attitude and authentic.
M is for motivation.
S is for serve and reach for the stars!!

juz feel like sharing with you guys on what a dream really is... =)

no mood to write anything abt myself today...
so, i shall leave it short and sweet.. =)




ps: i love you, Alfred...u are always there for me when i nid someone to share my happiness and sorrow with. With u and my bei bei, i'll continue to stay strong until the day i see my freedom..THANK YOU!

formal report

i'm busy doing my formal report now...
i hate doing it, coz it is very troublesome...
have to type everything out, find extra info from internet, tabulate answers, plot graph, answer those stupid questions...and finally, print.
however, i always learn alot of new things while doing formal report, which is something, or should i say the only thing, that i find it worth doing for... =)
hope i can finish on time...
there are too many things that i dun understand and never see before...try my best ba...

meeting alfred later at 1pm to go for lunch and see shops-for-rental...i think.
i'm not very sure where they wanna go...juz tag along ba...as usual..hehe..
he muz be busy doing his events now...too bad i can't go see everything..haha..*kpo kpo*
hope it is a success...

well, it's raining now..
please stop raining asap, coz my sister is going ECP to cycle with her classmates...
promo finish le ma, whereas mine is in nov...wateva...

yanxin wanna go blading nx weekend..
i promised her that i will be bringing her there...and will demand her to teach me..hehe..
and yanning, she juz lazy to learn...wanna cycle oni..
hope it is a successful trip...
though i will be having maths quiz the following monday...i'll juggle them well.. *wink wink*

i nid to continue to do this report le...

*busy flipping my report*