yesterday's post

supposed to post it yesterday...but alfred came over and interrupted my blogging session..nvm..shall post it today...

everyone besides me is getting old...those turned 21 can finally watch their fav R21 movies that they yearn for long...haha...i mean the guys, mostly...so had to get presents of similar meaning..ok, what rubbish i'm tokkin about again...nvm...just some adult stuff for xianwei..haha..wait a minute, well, not as 'dirty' as what u are thinking... ;)

bad day for me today...
i nv go school...coz today oni got one lect..so i stayed at home instead...rushed my final report..and finally!!!! i'm done...yeah~
damn happy k...coz it's a big burden for me...
also, i wanted to finish it once and for all, so that i can go out happily without having to worry about this proj, and of course, no sms-es haunting me..haha..
was abit upset just now..maybe i'm too demanding..maybe i'm too sensitive..maybe i just dunno how to understand ppl well...i'm a failure, i noe..since the day i was born, i'm a failure...i did nothing proud for my parents, friends and loved ones..i dun understand why my mind just took control of my emotions and physical reactions, just like that..and i can't control myself at all..well, mental illness, u may say...i dunno..sigh~...i just wanna change for the better...i noe i can..

end....i shall continue what happened after tt today....

i went out for a dinner with alfred yesterday...nothing much...just ordinary dinner...but, i was so pessimistic though..i dun understand why..i started to worry about so many things..
as what i've told alfred..

i'm afraid that he will leave me..
i'm afraid that my friends will start to hate me one by one..
i'm afraid that my family will ignore me...
i'm afraid that my mum will scold me...
i'm afraid that alfred will did badly for his business *touchwood*..
i'm just afraid of everything...

the feeling is horrible..but it just came and went the nx morning...

i'm back to original self now..thank god...but i will make sure tt such feelings wun occur again..

alrite, shall post something nice..
watched "Date Movie" today..sux to me...haha...but alfred liked it..
loitered at suntec to wait for alfred for 4 hours...i find that i really can go out alone without feeling bored..all i nid is to ignore those stupid stares, like saying, "hey, u are so poor thing...all alone~" wateva the stares were...i enjoyed it k..even if it was walking alone in the same place for hours, i dun mind actually.

i just can't really open my mouth and ask ppl out, other than alfred...even alfred, i also tried alot of times before i actually ask him...yup...so why not just go out alone?? no nid those fan2 nao3 for myself..haha...bad habit..

ok, i just reached home..nid to go bathe soon...
take care peeps!


ps: to those that i've offended indirectly or wadsoever...i'm sorry...i dun mean anything, just that i dunno how to convey my thoughts properly... =)